REcap on Resolution

Recap of my New YEar's for September.

1. Spiritual amendment -
read the scriptures every day - missed 5 days.
attend church every week - check
pray daily -check



2. grades -
straight A's - Marketing - good (of course, i haven't taken the midterm yet, it will be make or break day tomorrow)
Finance - the hardest class i have...so ok.
PD Bio 120 - one of the most confusing classes i have....but I like it. good.
HEPE - A for sure. the class is fun.
Chinese 101 - in an ironic turn of events, my most feared class has become my most manageable class...and also, as our class is realizing the potential awesomeness and fun we have in hanging out together, i think the class will skyrocket even more next month. the class is SO fun. planning already as a group to take 102 next semester. GREAT

3. health -
have good health - revamping and drafting program that will include stretching, muscular strength, muscular endurance, and cardiovascular exercises over a 6 to 8 week period, 5 to 6 times a week. So far, its been going good and I'm clocked in, according to HEPE, as "very active". Also, changing my habit of eating by eating out less.

4. dancing -
improve dancing - 2nd year in club style has gained me more momentum. going to keep it up. plus, it will help me exercise.

5. dating -
once a month at least. September was not productive due to my inactivity. Expecting October to be much different as I change my plans.

6. temple -
temple at LEAST once a month - fail. October plans to be better though.

Resolutions

Some of my New Year's resolutions (adjusted where needed).

1. Spiritual amendment - read the scriptures every day, attend church every week, pray daily.

2. grades - straight A's

3. health - have good health. I know. very general and vague. Will rewrite it in a few days.

4. dancing - not applied as much now as it was at the beginning of the year, but I do want to improve my dancing through improving my health, and fitness

5. dating - once a month at least. hopefully, with a new plan and new desire, October should be a good start.

6. temple - temple at LEAST once a month

Service

There's no "I" in me.

It's time.

Its time to climb back into the dating game again. I have to rebuild my desire. Its going to be a long hill back...but Mike and I had set the goal. I have felt no need to actually pursue it, but with Mike holding me accountable I will try. After a successful winter and spring run, I feel my desire now lacking very much. Its not even that I don't want to, but that I don't feel the need to. It's going to be a challenge. But let's do it to it. Let's get it going.




Since this school year started I've become more organized, more goal oriented, more scheduled, toned down, settled, determined to smash whatever school hands me, less prone to make stupid choices, more thoughtful, thought out, careful, and observant. The result of all this is that I feel less excited to try new things unless they benefit me in some way or further my goals. I feel like I have a household to run, a sister to take care of, and school work to study. It feels like my energy has been diverted to these things. Everything I do now, I think twice, because I'm not only thinking for myself, but looking out for my sister.

Honestly, in the beginning, I felt split in half between what I want to do and what I need to do. Before, it didn't matter, I bore the brunt of the consequences of my own actions, and was crazy enough to get away with it. With my sister here, I can't do that. Plus, my sister and I come from two different worlds, making bridging that gap harder to cross. I have to help her feel welcome without isolating myself. With all this, I just don't feel like I have the energy or the reason to be just me.



However, I think its time I start dating again having put off the month of September. Its time I get back into it.

Points

It is an important thing for me to remember that family is first; that what I do now are building blocks not only for my character, but for future relationships. There are always opportunities to grow and to understand more for yourself and about yourself. Trials befalling us aren't easy and there isn't much room to pity yourself, especially when there are thousands of others out there.

So the easiest way to build yourself remains to be helping others. When all is said and done, when all the preaching of the Gospel has died down, when the good feelings, the food, the comraderie is over, the most essential thing to do is to act. All our talk of service, and love, and testimony won't do much if we're not out there doing.

That remains a weakness of mine. Its sort of a twist of irony. That to become a better me, and to weather these trials, the key is Christ first, and then others. What better way to reach Christ than to do unto others what He wants us to do?

Life is such challenge. Fortunately, challenges are fun.

Who is the Answer?

So I wrote this poem as a way of reflecting exactly what my feelings were at the moment and how others must be feeling. Basically, I tried to envision what it was that ordinary people that I thought of were desiring. It's not completely edited yet and its written in lyrical song format. I had two answers in my mind to the question posed in the poem as I wrote it.

August 16^th, 2009

Been moving so much, that it’s becoming hard to keep in touch

With whom I am because ends of me are scattered in different places and friends, and see

if,

you have different identities because with everyone you act differently,

Then who are you really in the end when you’re reflected in people you see endlessly?

Is this

the meaning of forever? Being connected individually together?

I feel like a feather in the wind, free-flowing, not knowing where I may rest in the end,

But if they,

say when you lose yourself you find yourself, then isn’t the key to discover

Who you really are inside by being lost in the discovery of others?

All I mean is this,

I just want to mean something,

To someone somewhere

to matter while here.

For isn’t that our biggest dream?

For someone to care,

or always be there?

So this is the question,

Who is the answer?

Even though I’m used to me, it’s hard to think who I used to be.

Is the world changing or is it just the way I look at it that’s rearranging?

Or both?

Can I still be myself without ever interacting or

is the meaning of being human interacting with other human beings?

Who am I really?

I just want to mean something,

To someone somewhere,

To matter while here.

Isn’t our dream the one and same,

For someone to care,

Or always be there?

So this is the question,

Who is the answer?

Who is the answer?

All I know from learning in the end is this,

Understanding who you are is half the happiness.

I just want to mean something,

To someone somewhere,

To matter while here.

Isn’t that our one shared dream,

For someone to care,

Or always be there?

Maybe its in myself

To change and to try

To feel more alive.

and maybe its me as well,

To see someone else,

And be there to help.

So this is the question

Who is the answer?

Pre-Season

I never really ever know what to say, when all my emotions get in the way. I'm just trying to get us on the same page.


So its Season 3 and I am anticipating the third year jump that is predicted in basketball. haha.

It began with a bang as BYU defeated OU 14-13, and Mike and I went running and driving and yelling through the streets of Provo. We got it on camera. haha.

Amidst the victory came two sorta bitter sweet pieces of news. But reading Larissa's blog cheered me up a little and reminded me that God is good. haha.

Having the fam over was great too. I just didn't realize it until they left...haha.