Pet Peeves

OK. I have several. I don't know where they come from, and its a weakness in my character.

i realize I HATE not progressing in life. I hate plateauing. I feel like I could always improve. I can always do better, be more perfect. This might stem from a slight feeling of inadequacy and weakness in self-confidence in spite of everything I do. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm not good enough for anything or for anyone. I think its more of a feminine characteristic, but whatever it is, whether creativity, basketball, sports, writing, a talk, anything, I feel I can always be better, do better. So I take note of what I did bad the first time and try to improve. I hate feeling a ceiling on my abilities. But at the same time, a feeling of caring and love prevents me from pulverizing opponents into the dust or playing with their heads and hearts.

Which leads me to my second pet peeve. I HATE, and, interestingly enough, cynically love, when people tell me I can't do or be something. I feel like I have to prove them wrong. And the method I go about that is not always the greatest, as I can get prideful in the process or even change who I am, and then, ironically, it only serves to backfire on myself. I have a bad habit of hating the person who tells me what I can't do, even if they happen to be close friends (which always dissipates because I can't really hold a grudge). I'm not so foolish though to kill myself over it. Like if someone tells me I can't jump out of a window, I am NOT going to prove myself by jumping out of a window. For me, these things are a good motivator in my otherwise, demotivated life. I guess its cause most of my life people have, maybe not directly, but subversively hinted at things that I'm not strong enough, fast enough, big enough, smart enough, mature enough, or creative enough to do. For those people, I hate them, and then I got and secretly try and prove them wrong. In the end, its not about proving them wrong, but proving to myself who I am and what I can do. Its really for myself. And I don't really hate anyone over it, because I realize they help me to be a better person.