Destiny

Do you believe in fate or destiny? I don't. Not really. But I do believe that there is some sort of vague plan that gives us a mission in life. I don't share that part of my thoughts very often.

There is a pattern that's been appearing lately in my life. Specifically, it appears in blessings and setting aparts.

My patriarchal blessing, like many other patriarchal blessing, talks specifically about some of my future plans. When I received it and heard it my initial thought was, "awesome. that would be cool to do one day". I didn't think much of it.

However, in the two years since I've been home from my mission I've become increasingly aware of it. That is, increasingly aware that somehow, in some way, the events in my life now are preparing me for what is going to happen decades down the road.

When I was set apart for a calling this past spring, the stake president uttered some interesting things. For example, one of the things he mentioned was to build friendships in the ward with the young women specifically. I thought that was rather odd that it was repeated with an emphasis on the young women in the ward. That part played itself out and I see the reasoning behind it now. However, the one thing that really caught me off guard was that he began mentioning things about my future. And it was just weird to hear him mentioning things that sounded like it had nothing really to do with my calling at the moment. And he started mentioning things that fit perfectly with what my patriarchal blessing had talked about. Freaky in a way if you didn't realize what was going on, and trust me, there was no way this guy who I had never met could have known what my patriarchal blessing entailed.

As such, I've started shaping my future to fit into what I think is God's plan for me. It's interesting in a weird way, watching events unfold in the world or things in your life working it's magic that have an impact on you because you know that if you're worthy and just do your best, eventually you will end up at a specific event or time or place mentioned in some words someone spoke to you when you were 19.

Yeah. Destiny. Or rather...preordination I guess.

Fast Food and Job Interviews

Ah. What a crazy week it's been.

And can I say, girls are too nice? What do I mean? I mean how they are too nice to say no...so they end up cancelling stuff after you've made plans. I don't know why they do it. In an effort to not hurt anyone's feelings they make it worst. I know. This is the second time it's happened, which, considering everything, isn't bad at all. But it's annoying, and it still hurts. Not fun. I mean, why can't they just say "no"?

When a guy is looking for a girl, it's kinda like going to a fast food restaurant. We look at our choices, and we decide. If we had an experience we liked before, we usually don't vary much and order the same thing. We're visual too so the menu helps. Even the simplest menu items can hook us for years, but if we're not sold on a particular item we will probably not ever touch it unless there is nothing else to eat. Or we had a bad experience that leads Usher to sing this. It's hard to get us hooked, but once we're hooked we're hooked.

Girls are more selective. Nature intends them to be that way. With a girl, it's like a job interview. Most of the times, the guys come to them looking for a "job" unless there's a candidate out there with such outstanding credentials that they have to make the first move. The good thing about the interview is that it looks at a person for their overall strength and not just on one characteristic alone, say, good looks. So a guy who may not be all that in the looks department has a chance if his humor, hygiene, personality, ambition, and other things are pretty good. The downside is... it makes it that much more harder to pass the initial interview when the selection process is much more complicated than choosing a big Mac. You got to have the grades, the test scores, the athletics, the extracurricular activities, the service, the experience, and so on. And that's just the initial interview to get to the next round! Only when the girl is sure that you're the most qualified person for the job do you get through. And the process can take awhile.

I also realized why some of my friendships with girls fade so fast (especially when they get a boyfriend). With many of my female friends we talk a lot about the opposite gender, gossip, and things like that. Girl talk actually. So when they get a boyfriend, all of a sudden it's like that person disappears off the planet. I can probably predict who will be like that when it happens to her.

On the other hand, there are some people that I will protect fiercely if it ever came down to it. People like my family, and close friends. But also friends like Asia. We really don't have that much in common besides a mutual interest in books, theater, and some bands. But that's about it. But she's such a genuine, awesome person that I just want to see them succeed and be happy. Another person who fell into that category recently is Shalise and her brother. They are awesome awesome people.

Anyway. Like I said, it's been a crazy and rather depressing week, but hey, things will be all right. Always.

Up, Up, and Away

I'm starting to discover how friendships and the lifetime of a friendship is circular. They come and they go. Some stay longer than others, some are just a quick blip, a fun filled, pleasure-packed moment of greatness. Like chocolate really. Good for a few moments, but not filling. And no matter how hard I try sometimes it's inevitable. Maybe it's because I've moved around quite a bit in my life that instability is something I'm used to. Maybe that's why I have some commitment issues.

Maybe that's why the Gospel is something I and many others cherish. It's something that doesn't change. Maybe that's why the prospect of eternity is both appealing and appalling to me.

Maybe this is why people like celebrities and why I admire her. Because we can imagine them being our friends and never leaving us. And if they do, or if we do, there's really nothing big in detaching from them because there was no real substance in the first place.

Except for Asia and Ashleigh (and Mike and Luke, but I never count them because I just assume they'll be there, haha), I don't talk to any of my close friends from two years ago. Breanne and Katie are married, Lauren's graduated, Liz is on her mission.

And the pattern is repeating for this year. Friendships from last year (especially Chinese 101) are slowly fading into the background, repeating a familiar pattern, being replaced by new faces. I expect the trend to continue not because I want it to, but because it happens. And it's odd because you've shared so many memories together. Sometimes even deep memories.

Sometimes it's just because life happens. Things happen. Missions happen. And sometimes you just stop getting along.

I think she said it best.

We are rockets in the sky. We are planets passing by.

pretty much awesome

Boy. I completely forgot about my New Year's Resolution. I mean, the spiritual stuff is all right, but it could be better. I really need to stop eating so much. I don't know what it is, but lately, I've been eating a TON. Dating is still pretty much awesome. I need to get back on track to being more organized most def.

I also want to add a new goal. i need to smile more specifically at strangers. I have this habit of staring at people when they look at me or when I'm just walking around in general. The problem with that is when I don't express emotion people think I'm mad or sad or angry. People have actually come up to me to say that I look scary. One of my friends' dad said he thought I was a gangsta once when I went to pick her up. So yeah, I pretty much look like this. without the haircut.

I have a hard time smiling at strangers because I feel like I look like an idiot. I don't want to come off looking too happy, but I don't want to come across as disinterested as some people's smiles can be. Ya know, the half-way smile where you don't show any teeth and you smile. You think you're smiling but all you're doing is this . Smiling without the eyes. And it looks weird. Some people can pull it off. but not me. I don't think I can.

That's what I want to work on. That and actually maintaining eye contact. Some days I'm all right with it. Some days I hate it. And saying "hi". With guys, I just give the nod. But with girls, sometimes I give an awkward half-wave (i couldn't find a picture of it, but I did find this which is close) and I want to say hi, but my "hi's" always come out so girly. I was actually proud of myself the other when this girl walked by and said, "hi" and I managed a very manly "hey". Or last night when this girl walked by where I was sitting and smiled and I managed a pretty decent flash back. Uusually, I'm too shy to even maintain eye contact long enough to fire one off, but I'm getting better.

One day, I may finally be as good as this guy, but for now I'm going to make it a goal.

Typing "oodles"

So I had a few thoughts to write about today (including following up on that idea of how capitalism, workplace alienation, and World of Warcraft are interrelated back on June 4th, 2010) including an analogy that points out the difference between men and women in looking for someone they like.

However, since I haven't made a spiritual post in quite some time now (not that anyone's been checking. except...maybe the angels), I thought I'd share a little something something.

A friend made a point in testimony meeting a few weeks ago that I only just discovered for myself.

Most of us know that Corianton, Alma's son, is mostly known as the guy who messed up bad, and who has a chapter in the Book of Mormon detailing his...uh, sexual exploits. And why its wrong of course. And talks about how he basically SANK his mission single-handedly because of his mistakes. Can you imagine if that happened to you? It'd be in the Deseret News. "Missionary Single-Handedly Self-Destructs Mission".

However, it seems that Corianton redeems himself later on. But to what extent?

We know that he is called to return to missionary service (Alma 42:31). And then in Alma 43 he actually goes back out shortly after.

Alma 62: 45 shows that Helaman and his brethren (which includes Corianton if its talking about Helaman's brothers literally) were teaching powerfully even that many did repent and become baptized.

It is in chapter 63 that we see the full extent of Corianton's redemption. Shiblon, one of Corianton's brothers, is the keeper of the plates at this time. Well, he dies. But guess who's next in line to keep the plates? Dun-dun-dun! Corianton! So it seems that Corianton has come full circle and is worthy enough to hold and keep the record of the plates (and seeing the history of who kept the plates before, I can say that it was not a light duty to be the keeper of the plates).

Isn't that cool? And it would be cool if Corianton actually got to keep the plates. But he didn't...because he sails north, disappears, and becomes the Lich King. Just kidding. About that last part.

I think this says oodles about God's mercy, the ability for man to change, and the power of the Atonement. Corianton was guilty of heavy sin, but was able to jump back from that. In that aspect, I could say he was very much like his father.

And that's my thought for today. :)

A New Plan

So I have a plan. And its going to be interesting. But I'm excited for it. Here goes.

I will graduate between 1 1/2 and two years from now. Most likely Winter semester 2012. I will then go and work for my father's friend over in Taiwan and helping him with his restaurant. I'm hoping to just learn the ropes and perfect my Chinese skills. All I want while I'm there is to learn and a place to live. That's it. It will be a challenge, but I'm willing to do it for a year or two.

Then I will return to the U.S. and evaluate my options. I will see if I still want to go into Pharmacy for graduate school (which is my plan right now). Or I can see if I can get an MBA. Or I can go ahead and work for a business working in China. Seeing as how I know some people who can use my skills (and experience by that time), and because I served for them as a missionary (lol) I think I can find some relationship that is useful.

The only thing I can't figure is where marriage would fit into my plans because it would be too inconvenient. :/ My wife would have to live in a foreign place (if she's not from Taiwan), and be dragged through my time in earning experience with Chinese and business. Then I would move back and either be wherever pharmacy wants me, or wherever business would let me. If I married someone from Taiwan, then they'd have to be willing to move to America or wherever I can go. .... Inconvenient all around. I suppose I could get married around 28 (which is when I plan to be more settled and be back in the U.S.) or later when I'm more settled into a career.

Anyway. I guess we'll just see.