my grades for the finals are as follows . 98.5, 84, 96, 100, 89.5. I think the average is 93.5 I am so excited, these are the highest I've ever gotten for finals and for classes. And they were not easy (except for HEPE, which ironically, I scored the lowest on). I think I'm starting to believe in this thing called "Studying". Yeah, I know I'm asian. I know we're supposed to be smart. But I think I'm a mutant asian. But I'm getting in touch with my roots again.
Its kinda like believing in Santa Claus. People will distract you, but you gotta push through and believe in yourself. You gotta focus. OK. So its not really like believing in Santa Claus....though I did believe both Santa Claus and studying were figments of the imagination. I stand corrected. Now I might start believing in Santa Claus again. I guess I can accomplish stuff if I push myself. Another truth verified.
And. I have to give credit where credit is due. I didn't get those grades by studying alone. And no, I didn't cheat. You were thinking it. I know it. But I'm talking about God. It was all Him. honest.
And. I've asked my sister to come with me, April 12th, to see Owl City and Lights in Magna, Utah. That's a negative there. So. I'm looking for a replacement. I'm planning on acquiring two tickets as soon as I can. Which is whenever I can get money. Which is whenever I get a job. Which might be in January. maybe I'll get some kid from Chinese class. or maybe I'll get some kid from Chinese class to give me money to go. Hmmm who looks rich? ..... haha. jay kay. XD
Hmmm...I wonder if this studying thing can help me with getting money for tickets...
*goes back to listening to "Hey Stephen" *
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Music
I love rap music. I do. Especially when I need to release some madness or anger, the music does it for me.
I love hip-hop because I feel it lets me dance more effectively and in sync than other types of music.
However, both rap music and hip-hop doesn't really connect to daily events in our lives. Its mostly about drugs, oneself, sex, money, or possessions. Most people can't relate to that. It just sounds tough and macho.
Rock, and R&B, and Country, and Pop mostly talk about love. And that's something we all can relate to.
By the same account, I can't see what use that kind of music will be in heaven. We'll all be married and stuff. No more love triangles, drama, heartbreaks and stuff like that. So... yeah.
I love hip-hop because I feel it lets me dance more effectively and in sync than other types of music.
However, both rap music and hip-hop doesn't really connect to daily events in our lives. Its mostly about drugs, oneself, sex, money, or possessions. Most people can't relate to that. It just sounds tough and macho.
Rock, and R&B, and Country, and Pop mostly talk about love. And that's something we all can relate to.
By the same account, I can't see what use that kind of music will be in heaven. We'll all be married and stuff. No more love triangles, drama, heartbreaks and stuff like that. So... yeah.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Finals watch 2
OK, 4 down. 1 more to go. This sucks. I'm supposed to be leaving tomorrow morning. ugh.
I didn't get the score for my finance final, but I felt pretty good. Wouldn't surprised me if it doesn't end up being the score I though I got. The average of my finals so far is 93%. not bad.
Inspirational:
Happy girls are the prettiest
- Audrey Hepburn
We must be our own before we can be another’s.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken
- Oscar Wilde
The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.
- unknown
I didn't get the score for my finance final, but I felt pretty good. Wouldn't surprised me if it doesn't end up being the score I though I got. The average of my finals so far is 93%. not bad.
Inspirational:
Happy girls are the prettiest
- Audrey Hepburn
We must be our own before we can be another’s.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken
- Oscar Wilde
The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.
- unknown
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Hey Stephen
So. I just found out today that there's a Taylor Swift song called "Hey Stephen". So I decided to look it up. And it sounded very generic, but as the song went on, it was such a dorky/cute song that I started liking it. Plus, its kind of fun to pretend she's singing to me. hahaha.
Two Finals down. Avg score on the finals: 91
not bad. not great either. Gotta do better.
Two Finals down. Avg score on the finals: 91
not bad. not great either. Gotta do better.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Chinese Class.
Dang, I'm going to miss our class and the people who are leaving, or moving.>
impressions.
Our class dynamics, class chemistry, the teachers, everything. Ugh. It feels like graduation…but its not even. I hate good times. They always have to end.haha
impressions.
Tina – I always thought tina didn’t like me. Or at least saw me as this little trouble maker. But she’s awesome. Way too smart for her own good. Lol. Just gotta find the right way to make her laugh.
Thomas – the class leader. Love his laugh, and his good nature-ness. Smart, calm, and preserved. I loved his presence in class.
Don – he has the best laugh. Kelsi and I dig it so much we always smile hearing it. Good guy.
Marie – working on the skit with her was fun. I thought she was stand-offish, but she was actually more fun than I thought.
Natalie (married one) – she was the first one I thought I could be friends with since she asked me for help on the first quizzes we went through.
Levi – the first guy I ever spoke to in class. I asked him if this was actually Chinese 101 since the class seemed too hard, and way more work even for a 4 credit class. Such a chill guy. Loved his Mohawk in class and appearing in the Daily Universe.
Kirsi – kirsi is so sweet. She is positive and an amazingly fun person. Seems care free and laid back, but a hard worker.
Christian – what can I say? I loved his funny motions and jokes. The second guy I ever spoke to in asking him for help. He was really chill, thought he was the tough silent type at first. XD “Wo bu bu”, “Ding …ding…ding”. Haha.
Joseph – The other asian guy in class. Nice nice kid. One of a kind. “nailed it”. Haha.
Sorah – oh my gosh. The Jewel of Chinese class. Haha. Yes, she became more outspoken as class continued. She was really quiet at first, but she’s really cool. Had to give her a hard time for missing class so much. “you go girl”. Seeing her in the library way too much, seeing her 5 times in one day. Haha.
Natalie Peterson – aww yeah. Got to know her better second half of semester. We have a lot in common, and since she’s from Californian she gets my train of thought, viewpoints, and moods. Haha. Loved sharing music with her and Sorah. Natalie’s personality, and attitude are closer to mine, and she gets a lot of my jokes and likes the same kind of jokes. Haha.
David Cramer – the class clown. Love that kid. He has got the most awesome attitude about life, and the kewlest personality. Can make anyone laugh. I will never forget his skits. DANG I wish we could have taped them. XD
Lisa Callister – Lisa is sooo chill. Easy person to get along with. Nice, and always willing to help. Always there. Love having her in class. Getting donuts, studying late at night, “Danielle”. Haha.
Andrea – I will remember our tunnel singing endeavors. Lol. Dang it was cold too seeing in those tunnels. I was intimidated by her, still am. But she’s got a certain way of doing things, and is independent. Appreciate that. Loved our last skit. Haha.
Cate Mumford – MU KAI YING!! Oh gosh. Where do I even begin with the memories? My first girlfriend in class. First prank pulled together. The music videos. Tunnel singing. The crazy hair, the skits, the teasing from Gong Lao shi. Your food, your festive holiday colors, seeing you at devotionals, cheering for
Lyz – oh Lyz. Thank you for so much. For providing time to study, for providing us with food, for your home, for being enthusiastic, friendly, and excited. It was neat to hear her stories on the time when she was at byu. She has some AWESOME stories. I will never forget about talking about dating, and the advice given to me, especially from a married person.
Daphna – DAPHNA! Oh yes. You (since you will probably read this) are an awesome person and friend. I love your enthusiasm and curiosity for life. You added something special to Chinese class. You were always the most outspoken, the one to laugh the most, the one to answer questions, and the one that understood everything the teacher was saying! Haha. Everyone in class knew who you were (and that’s a awesomely good thing). You and David made quite the pair ;) . “let’s make it interesting. How about you’re writing to your boyfriend?” David: What if your professor was your boyfriend. Yeah? That would make it real interesting. HAHAHA. Thanks for being such a good sport…even though I could never freakin get a hold of you!! And you stopped coming to the review sessions!! DANG I will miss you in class!!
Kelsi –
Shalise – so Daphna, apparently, Shalise was going to be my girlfriend in the last round? Haha, finally figured that out. Lol.
the first person EVER to say “hi” to me in class and that was a big deal to me. I think that was the point where I said to myself “I think I might like this class”. Shalise is so funny and her cluelessness is fun to observe, but I’ve learned a lot from her. Appreciate her excitement to learn. Always fun, smiling, and laughing. Because of her, I will never forget xi hua wu now. LOLOLOL.
Gong Lao Shi –love gong lao shi. Even though everyone says she’s too strict, she wasn’t strict with me. Honestly, I got away with
Zhou Lao Shi – so nice and warm hearted. Everyone liked her though I think she was little harsher on me. But she was nice, kindhearted, and had a good sense of humor and optimism on life. Her food was good too. Haha.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Finals Watch
So. I hadn't touched facebook for three whole days until Cheryl reminded me that my high school account still existed. Nevertheless, I have cut back facebook quite a bit. Upside, I spend less time on the computer. Downside, I have no one to talk with anymore and it feels so lonely sometimes. XD But I think this is going to be the longest time I'm away from facebook since my mish. And to be honest, I haven't felt like I've missed too much.
So. My Chinese final is done. Honestly, I'm hoping for a 95% or better. I believe I've scored that high if not higher. But then again, I could get shot down.
I'm going to miss my chinese class. so many great people.
So. My Chinese final is done. Honestly, I'm hoping for a 95% or better. I believe I've scored that high if not higher. But then again, I could get shot down.
I'm going to miss my chinese class. so many great people.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
OH MY GOSH.
So...I think Heavenly Father has been waaAAY to kind to me. Check this out.
For my chinese class, the teacher announced last week that we can make up any homework we want. Granted, I'm scoring 90+ on everything and haven't missed any assignments I don't need it, but wow. That's nice ain't it?
HEPE is taking care of itself.
in Marketing, the teacher told us there will be a curve on every exam. NICE!!
In finance, just about two weeks ago, the teacher told us that he had decided to just drop our lowest graded test, and THEN, CURVE the second. DANGGG. THAT alone boosted my grade a whole letter grade.
NOW GET THIS, TODAY, my bio teacher just told us that if our final grade on the Final is greater than our grade so far, he will use THAT as our final grade. Meaning...if you failed EVERYTHING in class up to this point, and ace the final, you will have an A.
I now have a legitimate shot at acing the semester. oh wow, what a christmas present.
For my chinese class, the teacher announced last week that we can make up any homework we want. Granted, I'm scoring 90+ on everything and haven't missed any assignments I don't need it, but wow. That's nice ain't it?
HEPE is taking care of itself.
in Marketing, the teacher told us there will be a curve on every exam. NICE!!
In finance, just about two weeks ago, the teacher told us that he had decided to just drop our lowest graded test, and THEN, CURVE the second. DANGGG. THAT alone boosted my grade a whole letter grade.
NOW GET THIS, TODAY, my bio teacher just told us that if our final grade on the Final is greater than our grade so far, he will use THAT as our final grade. Meaning...if you failed EVERYTHING in class up to this point, and ace the final, you will have an A.
I now have a legitimate shot at acing the semester. oh wow, what a christmas present.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Issues
So this is a big thing for me to admit. But I admit two things.
I fear disappointing people.
and, I think I'm scared of commitment. XD
I fear disappointing people.
and, I think I'm scared of commitment. XD
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Faith vs. Works
My favorite things to study are faith, agency, and the Garden of Eden. The whole dynamic of how the Garden of Eden works is so fascinating. Everytime I answer some questions I just develop a dozen more. Agency is also real interesting just by the concept itself.
Faith has fascinated me because of how deep it is (along with other general gospel principles' basics). Its always interesting to hear faith versus works arguments because to me its not even an argument. To me, its like comparing apples and bananas. Or more closely, its like saying what's more important, the car or the car's engine? Faith has always been tied to works.
Even the most famous scripture presently, John 3:16, illustrates this point. Everyone knows "for God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life". This is followed by these verses, "For everyone that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. Bit he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be manifest, that they are wrought in God" (John 3:20-21).
Our faith in God must be followed by doing good, because after all, it is the opposite that pulls us away from God (Isaiah 59:1-3).
The problem, I think, comes from people who live on the extremes. We have met these people, and they're mostly really good people, but misguided I believe.
We've met the person who lives by faith alone, believing that baptism is not required, covenants are not required, and all these other things are not required if we only believe in the name of God or Jesus Christ. We know this is not true, for Satan believes also, but is he going to be saved? Of course not. James 2:17, 19.
However, we've also met those who only live by works. Those who say, "Oh, I don't need to go to church. I'm a good person. I don't believe God will keep me out of heaven. If there is a God, He will see that I lived a good life and won't let keep me out". This is wrong also. Paul battles this idea profusely, when he mentioned that God is the one saving you, not you, so you better believe what He says. Ephesians 2:8
There are those who contend that the scriptures are contradictory on this point. I don't believe so. They are addressing different audiences, from different authors, on different subjects, on different trials.
Often the words of Paul in Romans (Romans 3:28) are used to counter those of James, but Paul's epistles in Romans was partially written to settle the disputes that had arisen from the Law of Moses which was very law and works oriented. James epistle was directed at the 12 tribes and was a reminder to them not to become lazy in doing what was right (James 1:22). Faith needs works to be true faith, and work needs to have faith in order to have significance. Paul and James were just addressing the troubles of falling too extreme to either side.
Faith has fascinated me because of how deep it is (along with other general gospel principles' basics). Its always interesting to hear faith versus works arguments because to me its not even an argument. To me, its like comparing apples and bananas. Or more closely, its like saying what's more important, the car or the car's engine? Faith has always been tied to works.
Even the most famous scripture presently, John 3:16, illustrates this point. Everyone knows "for God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life". This is followed by these verses, "For everyone that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. Bit he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be manifest, that they are wrought in God" (John 3:20-21).
Our faith in God must be followed by doing good, because after all, it is the opposite that pulls us away from God (Isaiah 59:1-3).
The problem, I think, comes from people who live on the extremes. We have met these people, and they're mostly really good people, but misguided I believe.
We've met the person who lives by faith alone, believing that baptism is not required, covenants are not required, and all these other things are not required if we only believe in the name of God or Jesus Christ. We know this is not true, for Satan believes also, but is he going to be saved? Of course not. James 2:17, 19.
However, we've also met those who only live by works. Those who say, "Oh, I don't need to go to church. I'm a good person. I don't believe God will keep me out of heaven. If there is a God, He will see that I lived a good life and won't let keep me out". This is wrong also. Paul battles this idea profusely, when he mentioned that God is the one saving you, not you, so you better believe what He says. Ephesians 2:8
There are those who contend that the scriptures are contradictory on this point. I don't believe so. They are addressing different audiences, from different authors, on different subjects, on different trials.
Often the words of Paul in Romans (Romans 3:28) are used to counter those of James, but Paul's epistles in Romans was partially written to settle the disputes that had arisen from the Law of Moses which was very law and works oriented. James epistle was directed at the 12 tribes and was a reminder to them not to become lazy in doing what was right (James 1:22). Faith needs works to be true faith, and work needs to have faith in order to have significance. Paul and James were just addressing the troubles of falling too extreme to either side.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Blackout
I'm thinking of shutting down facebook for the next two weeks, texting less, and focusing more on my school work. It won't be the first time I've done it this year, or even this semester. It has worked effectively to various degrees .... everytime I feel like I can do it, I end up not because I'm waiting for a reply from someone...or there's something I want to do. We shall see. While I don't want facebook as a distraction, I also don't want to be cut off from people.
I also find it amusing that after not texting for 4 1/2 days, that I'm still averaging aboaut 93 texts a day. Ugh. Thinking about something for my new New Year's Resolution that will cut down on unnecesssary digital plug ins.
Anyway. If I go black out, I'll keep twitter.
I also find it amusing that after not texting for 4 1/2 days, that I'm still averaging aboaut 93 texts a day. Ugh. Thinking about something for my new New Year's Resolution that will cut down on unnecesssary digital plug ins.
Anyway. If I go black out, I'll keep twitter.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
ReCap November
quick look at the goals of my New Year's resolutions by month
Recap for November 2009
1. Spiritual Amendment
read the scriptures everyday - 22-8 (total since September 8th: 62-21)
attend Church every week - check
pray daily - check
2. Grades -
straight A's
- not quite there yet. Some classes unexpectedly got weird jumps in grades, but the last HEPE exam killed me. STUPID HEPE and stupid me. -_-;; I might have lost the battle there. GPA 3.0+
3. Health -
follow health plan
I'm getting back on after getting derailed by the week leading up to Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving itself. as noted last month, my increased calorie intake didn't offset my increased exercising, and resulted in 6 lbs gain. Which isn't bad. I don't need to lose weight. XD But I'm getting back into shape again. gonna be a long road my friends....
4. Dancing -
improve
Almost no dancing for month of November. Missed 3 out of 4 weeks at Club style. probably way behind...but will pick it back up. My dance moods comes in waves.
5. Dating -
at least once a month
Check. My focus on finals might sidetrack December though.
6. Temple -
at least once a month
Check. Temple is the BEST place ever. And it is service!!
Recap for November 2009
1. Spiritual Amendment
read the scriptures everyday - 22-8 (total since September 8th: 62-21)
attend Church every week - check
pray daily - check
2. Grades -
straight A's
- not quite there yet. Some classes unexpectedly got weird jumps in grades, but the last HEPE exam killed me. STUPID HEPE and stupid me. -_-;; I might have lost the battle there. GPA 3.0+
3. Health -
follow health plan
I'm getting back on after getting derailed by the week leading up to Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving itself. as noted last month, my increased calorie intake didn't offset my increased exercising, and resulted in 6 lbs gain. Which isn't bad. I don't need to lose weight. XD But I'm getting back into shape again. gonna be a long road my friends....
4. Dancing -
improve
Almost no dancing for month of November. Missed 3 out of 4 weeks at Club style. probably way behind...but will pick it back up. My dance moods comes in waves.
5. Dating -
at least once a month
Check. My focus on finals might sidetrack December though.
6. Temple -
at least once a month
Check. Temple is the BEST place ever. And it is service!!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Science and Religion: Evolution
My own personal belief concerning evolution is still being formed. There are many different theories and I've never believed that science is in direct conflict with religion. For the most part, I don't think they're even in the same sphere.
My current opinion of it right now is that we are celestially-driven spirits in evolutionary-driven physical bodies and that this life is finding that continuous balance between the two, to serve the needs of the body without denying our eternal goal, but also not sacrificing the body to serve spiritual goals (a la asceticism). After all, we need our bodies to progress and to become more like God. So much of this life is finding balance. We have seen examples in history's past that have served both.
I think right now we are seeing a trend towards serving physical pleasures and giving ourselves entirely to the evolutionary instincts. For example, the media's view and description of how women should be is, scientifically, entirely driven by biological wants and needs. Honestly, we don't all need to be supermodels, but that is, for now, the ideal. And if anybody is going to blame anybody, we can blame our genetics. That is entirely from a worldly perspective.
However, we know from the Gospel that there is another way. We can subdue this natural man. Natural selection itself shows the survival of individuals and species with the best genes. To me this means two things. 1. we want the best. So it is only natural for us to choose mates that are more physically attractive or better off (wealth in today's world) and 2. we are all driven by our own need to survive at the expense of others. I don't know any example in nature where an animal will sacrifice itself to help an enemy (even honeybees who sacrifice themselves when they sting are doing it for the hive, and other animals who sacrifice themselves seem to do it more often and more likely for those who are family).
However,
"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it" Matthew 16: 25 as Jesus taught. We know that there is a spiritual side to everything and that we can find constant happiness in that, instead of being driven by our basic man instincts.
My current opinion of it right now is that we are celestially-driven spirits in evolutionary-driven physical bodies and that this life is finding that continuous balance between the two, to serve the needs of the body without denying our eternal goal, but also not sacrificing the body to serve spiritual goals (a la asceticism). After all, we need our bodies to progress and to become more like God. So much of this life is finding balance. We have seen examples in history's past that have served both.
I think right now we are seeing a trend towards serving physical pleasures and giving ourselves entirely to the evolutionary instincts. For example, the media's view and description of how women should be is, scientifically, entirely driven by biological wants and needs. Honestly, we don't all need to be supermodels, but that is, for now, the ideal. And if anybody is going to blame anybody, we can blame our genetics. That is entirely from a worldly perspective.
However, we know from the Gospel that there is another way. We can subdue this natural man. Natural selection itself shows the survival of individuals and species with the best genes. To me this means two things. 1. we want the best. So it is only natural for us to choose mates that are more physically attractive or better off (wealth in today's world) and 2. we are all driven by our own need to survive at the expense of others. I don't know any example in nature where an animal will sacrifice itself to help an enemy (even honeybees who sacrifice themselves when they sting are doing it for the hive, and other animals who sacrifice themselves seem to do it more often and more likely for those who are family).
However,
"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it" Matthew 16: 25 as Jesus taught. We know that there is a spiritual side to everything and that we can find constant happiness in that, instead of being driven by our basic man instincts.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
California
The weather struck me as weird here in CAlifornia. I had been used to the cold. And now...its warm. I LOVE it, I forgot how amazingly gorgeous the weather is here. There are perks that come from living in SoCal. oh yeah.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Adversities
You know what? I'm thankful for adversity and challenges all forms and sizes and dimensions. The hard part of challenges here in Utah is that many of it come from people here whether intentional or unintentional. And the thing about the people here is that they are LDS. They are supposed to be nicer, better, more righteous. I'm grateful that for the most part, they are. Sometimes however, they aren't, and maybe not even on purpose. That's why its good for me to return to California and sip some nastiness. haha. I'm also grateful for the awesomeness of the Mormon girls here in Utah. They've changed my opinion of Mormon girls. I was never interested in Mormon girls before coming to Utah. I didn't imagine how I would ever marry one, much less hang out with one. But...they're not too bad. haha.
however, girls need to stop worrying about feelings, and tell guys straight up if they're not interested. In their attempts to save feelings they just prolong pain and confusion. Of course, I do this too, so its something I have to work on. haha
But I'm grateful. It helps me grow. I become better. Its easy to become embittered though, and eventually, probably offended. But the path to heaven was never easy was it now?
P.S. My success rate with LDS girls isn't nearly as good as with non-Llds girls. I dunno what the problem is exactly.... haha
however, girls need to stop worrying about feelings, and tell guys straight up if they're not interested. In their attempts to save feelings they just prolong pain and confusion. Of course, I do this too, so its something I have to work on. haha
But I'm grateful. It helps me grow. I become better. Its easy to become embittered though, and eventually, probably offended. But the path to heaven was never easy was it now?
P.S. My success rate with LDS girls isn't nearly as good as with non-Llds girls. I dunno what the problem is exactly.... haha
Monday, November 23, 2009
Grateful
I'm grateful for the little things ya know? I mean, like, muffins. And starcraft. And zombies. I'm grateful I can be better lovers with them than with my own eternal companion. Dang. BTW, I want the jewels of Pizarro. HAha.
Anyway. I'm also grateful for the lessons I've learned from this past year. Here's a quick summary.
Charity - to love someone despite how they act towards you back. Sure, its easy to love those who love you, but to love those who hate you? Now, that's the next level. Thus, charity.
Cross the River - sometimes, we hate change. The saints probably did when they crossed the Mississippi leaving Nauvoo. But they did anyway, looking with hope towards the future. That's what I need to do.
Have I done any Good in the World Today? - I always need to look out for service. Its a powerful antidote to solve your own problems.
Take it as a Challenge - I love challenges. When there's a trial, I know God wants me to learn something from it. I need to see it as such because often times I wallow in self-pity.
Worth - everyone has worth. We have infinite potential with unchanging worth. Worthiness is a different thing, but we will always have great worth in the eyes of God. So press forward!
Integrity - the virtue that leads to many other virtues.
God will Provide the Strength - I've asked, and He's given me the opportunities. How successful I am depends on if I capitalize on those opportunities.
Anyway. I'm also grateful for the lessons I've learned from this past year. Here's a quick summary.
Charity - to love someone despite how they act towards you back. Sure, its easy to love those who love you, but to love those who hate you? Now, that's the next level. Thus, charity.
Cross the River - sometimes, we hate change. The saints probably did when they crossed the Mississippi leaving Nauvoo. But they did anyway, looking with hope towards the future. That's what I need to do.
Have I done any Good in the World Today? - I always need to look out for service. Its a powerful antidote to solve your own problems.
Take it as a Challenge - I love challenges. When there's a trial, I know God wants me to learn something from it. I need to see it as such because often times I wallow in self-pity.
Worth - everyone has worth. We have infinite potential with unchanging worth. Worthiness is a different thing, but we will always have great worth in the eyes of God. So press forward!
Integrity - the virtue that leads to many other virtues.
God will Provide the Strength - I've asked, and He's given me the opportunities. How successful I am depends on if I capitalize on those opportunities.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
oh darn. I'm a stalker.
So...
....this is interesting. Interesting enough that I'm going to blog about it.
Yesterday. At the testing center. I was in line. There was a cute blond girl in pink in the line next to me... I thought nothing of it. Until...she switched over to my line.
Then...we started talking. About stats, and HEPE, and just small talk in general. She said, "good luck" and we went our ways.
When I was finished with my test and was getting up, I realized she had sat close to where I was. Thought nothing of it.
THEN. Today, I was sorting through my mail, I got an e-mail from ldsplanet.com. OK. Short background so you don't ask questions. I registered four years ago when I turned 18 just for fun. Right after I joined facebook just for fun after I heard something about it (trying to get in with the college students cause at the time, FB was just for college students).
Anyway, I still get e-mails from the site telling me about flirts and messages I'm receiving... that I CAN'T SEE because I'm not a full member. For all I know there flirts and messages from the site to convince me to pay.
So I just milled around the site amusing myself...when I came upon a girl who had an interesting picture... ....and upon further inspection...realized it was the same freakin' girl from the TESTING CENTER!!! AH!!!!!
Now hopefully, if she sees that I've viewed her profile that she will not think I am some creep or stalker, because this truly was a coincidence! I promise!!
Her pictures were all scandalous though...
anyway.. ..that's it. I feel better now.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Vision
Be you. Don't change. Improve. But if who you are is not who God wants you to be, then its not being happy. Its being comfortable.
In this journey through life we must not forget what the end goal for all of us is: exaltation.
We can get caught up in the little intricacies of life, but in the long run, in the "eternal scheme of things", a lot of attention paid to little trivial things could derail us from our goal. With callings, jobs, work, school, careers, family, friends, and dating and all the little things that go along with it we often get frustrated too much. But there is always hope, there is always another day.
If we stay close to the Holy Ghost we can feel at peace, even if the world is unfair or doesn't make complete sense. Everything will sort itself out if we stay close to God, love everyone, and hold no feelings of pride in our hearts. I have to learn to forgive faster, overcome my own feelings of inadequacy, and be more pure in my intents and motives. If I try for these things, even if things don't go my way, or EVEN if things or people that should be righteous aren't, I can feel no offense toward no one and to myself. Even if people that should be honest accuse you of things, you can respond with charity, disarming situations. But the fortitude to respond in such a way, and to do it consciously, takes a strong foundation. Be who God wants you to be, and you'll need no one else's opinion.
If you wonder what it takes to get the richest, most awesome prize in life, then you don't have to wonder much. What it takes is enduring joyfully all the challenges this life gives us and to just enjoy life. The reward is eternal life. And not just eternal life. But an eternal family.
In this journey through life we must not forget what the end goal for all of us is: exaltation.
We can get caught up in the little intricacies of life, but in the long run, in the "eternal scheme of things", a lot of attention paid to little trivial things could derail us from our goal. With callings, jobs, work, school, careers, family, friends, and dating and all the little things that go along with it we often get frustrated too much. But there is always hope, there is always another day.
If we stay close to the Holy Ghost we can feel at peace, even if the world is unfair or doesn't make complete sense. Everything will sort itself out if we stay close to God, love everyone, and hold no feelings of pride in our hearts. I have to learn to forgive faster, overcome my own feelings of inadequacy, and be more pure in my intents and motives. If I try for these things, even if things don't go my way, or EVEN if things or people that should be righteous aren't, I can feel no offense toward no one and to myself. Even if people that should be honest accuse you of things, you can respond with charity, disarming situations. But the fortitude to respond in such a way, and to do it consciously, takes a strong foundation. Be who God wants you to be, and you'll need no one else's opinion.
If you wonder what it takes to get the richest, most awesome prize in life, then you don't have to wonder much. What it takes is enduring joyfully all the challenges this life gives us and to just enjoy life. The reward is eternal life. And not just eternal life. But an eternal family.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Believe
My hardest trials are emotional and mental. I don't know why. I would rather prefer physical pain over them, but for some reason God gave me the hardest trials to be emotional and mental.
And honestly, its hard. Life's not without its challenges. Unlike some people, I welcome challenges and intend to dominate them. That's how my mind works. Haha.
Everytime I pray for something I get it. Many of the times, it takes increased energy from myself.
As I was pondering this past weekend, I prayed to Heavenly Father for another favor. I've been asking way too much from Him and I feel ungrateful. But I've also stepped up efforts to be more obedient. Besides, what I ask is not contrary to His will.
But as I pondered the weirdest thought came into my head: "Thanks for believing in Me".
Like almost as if Heavenly Father said it to me. Then, to return the favor, I said, "Thank you for believing in me".
Then the impact of that statement hit me. He believes in me. It had never occurred to me before that that was very true. That even during times when I had given up on myself, when I hated the whole world, or when I just felt like jumping off a cliff, He had still believed in me and He always had. People have said it before, but it wasn't until then that the gravity of that truth hit me.
Then the guilt hit me. "Well, if God believes in me, why would I EVER give up on myself?" I've got the best supporter in the entire galaxy, nay, universe! He BELIEVES in me so much that He sent His own Son to die for me. If that was true, how could I EVER get discouraged? How could I EVER get mad? How could I ever sell MYSELF short? To do so then seemed like utter mockery against God.
The greatest act of faith ever performed was the Atonement. Can you imagine how much faith Jesus and Heavenly Father had in us to do such a thing? Knowing full well that there was a possibility that we could just reject it with our free agency.
So the next time I feel a little low, or like life is unfair, I just think, "hey. There are two people I believe in. Me. And God. And God believes in me". Nobody can stop that combination.
And honestly, its hard. Life's not without its challenges. Unlike some people, I welcome challenges and intend to dominate them. That's how my mind works. Haha.
Everytime I pray for something I get it. Many of the times, it takes increased energy from myself.
As I was pondering this past weekend, I prayed to Heavenly Father for another favor. I've been asking way too much from Him and I feel ungrateful. But I've also stepped up efforts to be more obedient. Besides, what I ask is not contrary to His will.
But as I pondered the weirdest thought came into my head: "Thanks for believing in Me".
Like almost as if Heavenly Father said it to me. Then, to return the favor, I said, "Thank you for believing in me".
Then the impact of that statement hit me. He believes in me. It had never occurred to me before that that was very true. That even during times when I had given up on myself, when I hated the whole world, or when I just felt like jumping off a cliff, He had still believed in me and He always had. People have said it before, but it wasn't until then that the gravity of that truth hit me.
Then the guilt hit me. "Well, if God believes in me, why would I EVER give up on myself?" I've got the best supporter in the entire galaxy, nay, universe! He BELIEVES in me so much that He sent His own Son to die for me. If that was true, how could I EVER get discouraged? How could I EVER get mad? How could I ever sell MYSELF short? To do so then seemed like utter mockery against God.
The greatest act of faith ever performed was the Atonement. Can you imagine how much faith Jesus and Heavenly Father had in us to do such a thing? Knowing full well that there was a possibility that we could just reject it with our free agency.
So the next time I feel a little low, or like life is unfair, I just think, "hey. There are two people I believe in. Me. And God. And God believes in me". Nobody can stop that combination.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Texting.
I like numbers. Today will be a number's day.
Indicator of an improving social life? ... number of texts I get/send. HAHA. XD
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 13 - September 13: 1900
> + 200
September 13 - October 13: 2100 +
> + 710
October 13 - November 13: 2810*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
So... my social life is on the upswing again. Though, if it sank (especially in today's economy) I'm prepared this time around.
And where did the additional 710 texts come from? i think I have a pretty good idea.
Andrea + Cate + Kelsi + Lisa + Lyz + Shalise = 272.
The rest would be from Asia, Tiffany, Katherine, Lucia, and Nadia = about 220.
Of course, I get the usual loads from my mom, my sister, Mike, and David (oops, I mean, Luke). My top 4 contributors haha.
Random Facts:
most texts saved in my phone: Katie Moon 192
Mom - 185
Mike - 120 (I think mike probably has over 1000 texts by now from the number I keep having to delete. LOL)
number of texts from unknown numbers: 109
number of texts from top 4 contributors - 422 (and that's not including the ones I cleaned out)
*highest since June 2009, when I broke 3100 texts thanks to Lauren and Katie
Indicator of an improving social life? ... number of texts I get/send. HAHA. XD
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 13 - September 13: 1900
> + 200
September 13 - October 13: 2100 +
> + 710
October 13 - November 13: 2810*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
So... my social life is on the upswing again. Though, if it sank (especially in today's economy) I'm prepared this time around.
And where did the additional 710 texts come from? i think I have a pretty good idea.
Andrea + Cate + Kelsi + Lisa + Lyz + Shalise = 272.
The rest would be from Asia, Tiffany, Katherine, Lucia, and Nadia = about 220.
Of course, I get the usual loads from my mom, my sister, Mike, and David (oops, I mean, Luke). My top 4 contributors haha.
Random Facts:
most texts saved in my phone: Katie Moon 192
Mom - 185
Mike - 120 (I think mike probably has over 1000 texts by now from the number I keep having to delete. LOL)
number of texts from unknown numbers: 109
number of texts from top 4 contributors - 422 (and that's not including the ones I cleaned out)
*highest since June 2009, when I broke 3100 texts thanks to Lauren and Katie
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Confidence
written August 31st, 2009
my two cents
Confidence is knowing you’re the best student in school, even if you aren’t a straight-A student, because you’ve given your best.
Confidence is knowing who you are, what you’re capable of, what and where your limits are, and what you can still do.
Confidence is knowing you can give the best at anything you’re doing.
Confidence is the ability to handle rejection like a man, and knowing you can’t get every girl, but that its all right because its really nothing serious and that you can handle it like an adult.
Confidence is knowing that even if you do get rejected you are still happy because you were true to yourself and didn't have to change yourself to fit someone else's ideal, but rather God's ideal.
Confidence is knowing that the world cannot put you down because your own approval doesn’t come from others.
Confidence is not putting others down to raise yourself up.
Confidence is not having the best of everything, but believing you have the ability to make the best of everything and being content.
Confidence comes from standing for what you believe in without fear of what others say, the humility to accept mistakes and be better, and the understanding that building yourself will take time.
Confidence comes from being true and honest to yourself, putting up no facades so you have nothing to hide, and nothing to lose, and even if the whole world accuses you at least you don’t have to lie to yourself.
Confidence comes from having the charity to say “I love you” to someone who might not like you all that much or treat you all that well.
Confidence comes from holding yourself to the highest standards so that you can do anything you want without having to fear yourself.
Confidence comes from knowing that you are half the battle, and then having the will and strength to do something about it.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
NBA game
So last night, went with like 12 people to an NBA game on a group date. It was fun. Real fun.
the drive up was fun, listening to Glee (lol), talking about random things.
I told my date that we should root for the Jazz because the Kings are the worst team in the league, and that in addition to being the worst team, they were also missing three players, including their best player.
So first quarter, the Jazz smoked the Kings and we were up by like 20. That's when I told her that I might get bored, since I actually do get bored by the second quarter. So we started talking about random things, like
- stealing the segway that the mascot was riding around on. She was going to distract the mascot, and I was going to jack it.
- what would you do if you ran into an NBA-sized player in the alley and he said, "hey, what's up baby?" Same plan here, she was going to distract the weirdo, and I would run. HAHAHA.
- how the NBA players tune out the booing. We talked about how maybe they get special soundtracks that just has people booing. hahaha. shalise said she wanted to find one for me. HAHA.
- psychology and all the crazy experiments that go on and how the results are so interesting.
- dancing. I do hip hop and she did cheer so we were teaching each other moves. haha.
- not living on spaghetti-o's. which is what I'm doing from now until thanksgiving.
- what our plans were until Christmas.
- busting out our routines at the half time show. haha.
Then, before we knew it, the Kings were up 20. And then...we lost. ugh.
Went to Barnes and Nobles later and got this one drink...that I ended up spilling all over my car... and then finally went over to Janine's place. I feel bad cuz shalise had church at 9 in the morning...but we stayed until 12. That was fun. 5 hours for a date. That's killer.
EDIT: The date was 6 1/2 hours. oh dang.
the drive up was fun, listening to Glee (lol), talking about random things.
I told my date that we should root for the Jazz because the Kings are the worst team in the league, and that in addition to being the worst team, they were also missing three players, including their best player.
So first quarter, the Jazz smoked the Kings and we were up by like 20. That's when I told her that I might get bored, since I actually do get bored by the second quarter. So we started talking about random things, like
- stealing the segway that the mascot was riding around on. She was going to distract the mascot, and I was going to jack it.
- what would you do if you ran into an NBA-sized player in the alley and he said, "hey, what's up baby?" Same plan here, she was going to distract the weirdo, and I would run. HAHAHA.
- how the NBA players tune out the booing. We talked about how maybe they get special soundtracks that just has people booing. hahaha. shalise said she wanted to find one for me. HAHA.
- psychology and all the crazy experiments that go on and how the results are so interesting.
- dancing. I do hip hop and she did cheer so we were teaching each other moves. haha.
- not living on spaghetti-o's. which is what I'm doing from now until thanksgiving.
- what our plans were until Christmas.
- busting out our routines at the half time show. haha.
Then, before we knew it, the Kings were up 20. And then...we lost. ugh.
Went to Barnes and Nobles later and got this one drink...that I ended up spilling all over my car... and then finally went over to Janine's place. I feel bad cuz shalise had church at 9 in the morning...but we stayed until 12. That was fun. 5 hours for a date. That's killer.
EDIT: The date was 6 1/2 hours. oh dang.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Low
Well, my confidence today has been shot. Not by anything in particular. Just by my own thinking. And that really sucks when you go out into school. The defeat, or at least recession, is in your walk, its in your eyes, and its in the way you speak.
Ironically, I have full confidence that it will be back soon. I'm too optimistic, happy, and naive for anything to last long. My step will be back, my crafty slyness will be back, my own self-esteem will be back.
On another note, drew and packed some boxes for our service men and women today to give to them for Christmas. We got 350 boxes done. Service is awesome!!
Ironically, I have full confidence that it will be back soon. I'm too optimistic, happy, and naive for anything to last long. My step will be back, my crafty slyness will be back, my own self-esteem will be back.
On another note, drew and packed some boxes for our service men and women today to give to them for Christmas. We got 350 boxes done. Service is awesome!!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
ReCap October
1. Spiritual Amendment
read the scriptures everyday - 23-8 (total since September 8th: 40-13)
attend Church every week - check
pray daily - check
2. Grades -
straight A's
- not quite there yet. PDBio and Finance are kinda dragging me down... GPA avg. 3.0 +
3. Health -
follow health plan
FAIL. ARGH. I ate out so much. My exercise level increased, but not enough to offset increase calorie intake. However, physically I feel good, I like what I'm eating, and I feel fine. XD
4. Dancing -
improve
Great!! The chance to dance in the Homecoming Parade, to choreograph a little bit, and more experience has helped me greatly.
5. Dating -
at least once a month
Check. I don't know exactly where I want to go with this one. Anyway...
6. Temple -
at least once a month
Check. LOVE the temple.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Interesting Observation
The last four girls I dated or went on a date with were all from California and all the Asian girls were Korean.
Do I just have a preference for Californians? Do I just scare Chinese people? I dunno. I'm still kinda scared of Utah girls. haha
Do I just have a preference for Californians? Do I just scare Chinese people? I dunno. I'm still kinda scared of Utah girls. haha
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
NBA
The NBA started today. The last piece to my semester is complete. :)
Plus, choreographed for Club Style. Just for 8 beats. It didn't go so good. At least, it was done in 20 minutes without knowing what the music was. XD haha.
Plus, choreographed for Club Style. Just for 8 beats. It didn't go so good. At least, it was done in 20 minutes without knowing what the music was. XD haha.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Lessons from Church
10/18
. I think one of the most important skills I have acquired is the ability to do a self-assessment, then to cut out the things I don't need, keep the things that are good, and improve everywhere.
. Teaching is such an important skill. You learn so much through teaching, become self-aware, and gain important skills and traits such as charity, patience, and self-assessment.
. I love hard work. It is such a good antidote to the many problems in our lioves be it loneliness, sadness, hearbreak, laziness, boredom, problems with self-worth, esteem, confidence, depression, or many other assortments of emotional trials.
. To be financially and spiritually self-reliant is to make room and prepare to serve others.
10/25
. I am so grateful for the opportunity to have associated with my converts from serving a mission, many of whom are so much better than I. I am so grateful to know them, to be part of their lives, and to be an instrument of God. How truly great is my pure joy in this!
. I think one of the most important skills I have acquired is the ability to do a self-assessment, then to cut out the things I don't need, keep the things that are good, and improve everywhere.
. Teaching is such an important skill. You learn so much through teaching, become self-aware, and gain important skills and traits such as charity, patience, and self-assessment.
. I love hard work. It is such a good antidote to the many problems in our lioves be it loneliness, sadness, hearbreak, laziness, boredom, problems with self-worth, esteem, confidence, depression, or many other assortments of emotional trials.
. To be financially and spiritually self-reliant is to make room and prepare to serve others.
10/25
. I am so grateful for the opportunity to have associated with my converts from serving a mission, many of whom are so much better than I. I am so grateful to know them, to be part of their lives, and to be an instrument of God. How truly great is my pure joy in this!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
No greater indicator
Homecoming week. CRAZY.
The homecoming devotional was fun. Cate got us front row seats. THAT was awesome. Saw Mendenhall, and Cecil. Up close. Felt like VIP. hahaha. The lunch afterwards was worth it. Especially because we made a new friend named Tyler who was only 17 and who was...kinda weird. That's coming from me. haha.
Wednesday was our Chinese group study session. As usual....we got nothing done. We ate for an hour, talked....and talked....and talked...and talked.... and total combine study time? probably no more than 10 minutes. HA. What did result from this study session? Well, Monday, Cate and I are gonna pull a prank on our TA by pretending to be boyfriend/girlfriend. She was the one trying to set up people in class. Let's see what happens when it comes true. LOL
Gosh, our group loves each other's company too much. We just talk and talk and talk.
Thursday, ended up sweeping leaves for Provo cemetary. That was fun. Circle K is a great outlet for my service needs.
Friday, took the Chinese test, wrote a note to Shalise (glad to have made her day). Got one from Cate. aw yeah. Did our skits. All of them were pretty much amazing.
Went to the canon center with Lucia, then went with her to Homecoming Spectacular. That was awesome!! The music was GREEEAAT!! I loved it so much.
Saturday morning, got to run around with Club Style at the homecoming parade. I think I missed seeing Shalise there. But saw Robbie King, Sunshine, and some others. That was fun. Especially when the girls danced up on the cops. LOL.
Came home. Went to a baptism at 2. I didn't know the person, but I decided to go. TURNS OUT, the person baptized was a sister to one of my converts. CUH_RAZY!!!!!! Yeah. That was fun.
Went and hung out with Mike and Luke for a moment, then came home, and played some basketball.
To top it all off, I got a letter from Liz today. w00t.
YEah. what a week. And its not over yet. ...
The homecoming devotional was fun. Cate got us front row seats. THAT was awesome. Saw Mendenhall, and Cecil. Up close. Felt like VIP. hahaha. The lunch afterwards was worth it. Especially because we made a new friend named Tyler who was only 17 and who was...kinda weird. That's coming from me. haha.
Wednesday was our Chinese group study session. As usual....we got nothing done. We ate for an hour, talked....and talked....and talked...and talked.... and total combine study time? probably no more than 10 minutes. HA. What did result from this study session? Well, Monday, Cate and I are gonna pull a prank on our TA by pretending to be boyfriend/girlfriend. She was the one trying to set up people in class. Let's see what happens when it comes true. LOL
Gosh, our group loves each other's company too much. We just talk and talk and talk.
Thursday, ended up sweeping leaves for Provo cemetary. That was fun. Circle K is a great outlet for my service needs.
Friday, took the Chinese test, wrote a note to Shalise (glad to have made her day). Got one from Cate. aw yeah. Did our skits. All of them were pretty much amazing.
Went to the canon center with Lucia, then went with her to Homecoming Spectacular. That was awesome!! The music was GREEEAAT!! I loved it so much.
Saturday morning, got to run around with Club Style at the homecoming parade. I think I missed seeing Shalise there. But saw Robbie King, Sunshine, and some others. That was fun. Especially when the girls danced up on the cops. LOL.
Came home. Went to a baptism at 2. I didn't know the person, but I decided to go. TURNS OUT, the person baptized was a sister to one of my converts. CUH_RAZY!!!!!! Yeah. That was fun.
Went and hung out with Mike and Luke for a moment, then came home, and played some basketball.
To top it all off, I got a letter from Liz today. w00t.
YEah. what a week. And its not over yet. ...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Self-Protection
So. I think my praying for opportunities of service is landing me bigger and bigger chances to prove myself. Today, I found a cellphone and texted some people in it to find the owner. Met with them about an hour later. They looked so cute, like 3 little kids creeping up to a celebrity to get his autograph. Just huddled and hesitant. I shoulda put my number into her phone. Oh boy, that would have been gutsy but I would have done it had I thought of it sooner. XD
Anyway, I'm starting to realize a bad habit of mine. I tend to push away the people I love the most. When this is family, I close up about my feelings to them, sometimes because I don't want to burden them and sometimes because I actually want them to care. With girls that I'm interested in, it creates a problem because as soon as I feel close enough to them that I feel they could hurt me emotionally, I distance myself. This creates an odd cycle of an awkward relationship. This is my problem right now. And I think the girl I'm doing this to is getting frustrated with my behavior and I'm noticing it by her body language. Maybe she can just get a boyfriend so I can move on. HAHA.
Anyway, I'm starting to realize a bad habit of mine. I tend to push away the people I love the most. When this is family, I close up about my feelings to them, sometimes because I don't want to burden them and sometimes because I actually want them to care. With girls that I'm interested in, it creates a problem because as soon as I feel close enough to them that I feel they could hurt me emotionally, I distance myself. This creates an odd cycle of an awkward relationship. This is my problem right now. And I think the girl I'm doing this to is getting frustrated with my behavior and I'm noticing it by her body language. Maybe she can just get a boyfriend so I can move on. HAHA.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
What goes around comes around
So. My social life continues to tick back up to what it was formerly. However, I also realized that the near one month social drought has to be seen as another challenge Heavenly Father gave me.
I mean, it never occurs to me that these hard times are just like the challenges I faced on the mission. It never occurs to me that sometimes, God allows different challenges to come at me from different directions. But then I realized, "hey, if God loves me enough and trusts me enough to give me this challenge, then bring it on!!!" I LOVE challenges. And from that view, I can take it.
Except...now that I am going to overcome it, God will allow something new to come at me. ...and then I'll wallow around a bit before I come to the solution.
But I think its funny how that part of my rescuing of my social life is being done by my converts and their friends. I have 4 of them in my ward. And they are awesome. I love them so much. I love seeing them grow.
Today, one of them was telling everyone that I was the missionary who taught her, and another girl was like "oh! and he's Shan's missionary too!" and I'm like "you guys really do love me!" haha.
But yeah. I think its such a great joy. I love it. Love it.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Friday Night
So. With me new infused plan in life I spent my Friday night....not going out. XD
mostly because I've renewed my work ethic. Something that's noticeably lacking since I've gotten off the mission. However, with the recent decline in my social life I've decided that I will now pour all that time into becoming something else. My social life will continue to climb back into prominence (especially after I read how I actually did it freshman year), but until then I'm reenergized in a different area.
OK. So what did I do tonight? Studied. Yeah. I studied Biology. If I'm going to smash and destroy everyone at BYU and rip their grades to shreds its going to take sacrifice. Haha. So I don't care so much that my friday night social life is dead. As long as I get ahead of everyone else.
I also completed two resumes to submit to jobs and internships as I'm ready to steer in that direction. I also need a job to start investing in stocks and bonds.
And finally, I created a budget on how I will survive on the money I have left over the next two months.
Yeah. So...sounds boring. But I liked it. haha.
mostly because I've renewed my work ethic. Something that's noticeably lacking since I've gotten off the mission. However, with the recent decline in my social life I've decided that I will now pour all that time into becoming something else. My social life will continue to climb back into prominence (especially after I read how I actually did it freshman year), but until then I'm reenergized in a different area.
OK. So what did I do tonight? Studied. Yeah. I studied Biology. If I'm going to smash and destroy everyone at BYU and rip their grades to shreds its going to take sacrifice. Haha. So I don't care so much that my friday night social life is dead. As long as I get ahead of everyone else.
I also completed two resumes to submit to jobs and internships as I'm ready to steer in that direction. I also need a job to start investing in stocks and bonds.
And finally, I created a budget on how I will survive on the money I have left over the next two months.
Yeah. So...sounds boring. But I liked it. haha.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Service!
So. Last night, being extremely tired, I wondered whether I should go and do service with Circle K.
I decided, since I'm more service-oriented everyday and I pray for those opportunities, I would go. Even though I was tired, beaten, and still had Club Style later that night.
Anyway. I did. And I must say that I'm glad I did. We went to the Trinity health rehab place, and I got to play piano for them. It was a good experience.
Natalie is also in Club Style so that was a fun experience as we set routines for the homecoming parade.
Kelsi suggested that I be Rufio for Halloween. I am considering it, since I got the hair for it. But I don't have the tan. Angie said she wouldn't have thought I was pale. Of course, she's paler than I am. haha.
Anyway. I think I will go zombie. Since that's what I'm obsessed about. But if I go to Lights concert I dunno exactly if that will be a good idea. I don't know who is actually going to go so I haven't bought any tickets yet. Mike is unsure. So I will probably ask someone to go with me.
I decided, since I'm more service-oriented everyday and I pray for those opportunities, I would go. Even though I was tired, beaten, and still had Club Style later that night.
Anyway. I did. And I must say that I'm glad I did. We went to the Trinity health rehab place, and I got to play piano for them. It was a good experience.
Natalie is also in Club Style so that was a fun experience as we set routines for the homecoming parade.
Kelsi suggested that I be Rufio for Halloween. I am considering it, since I got the hair for it. But I don't have the tan. Angie said she wouldn't have thought I was pale. Of course, she's paler than I am. haha.
Anyway. I think I will go zombie. Since that's what I'm obsessed about. But if I go to Lights concert I dunno exactly if that will be a good idea. I don't know who is actually going to go so I haven't bought any tickets yet. Mike is unsure. So I will probably ask someone to go with me.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
SLI
In other news, experts are hoping that the rise in the social slump over the last few days is an indicator of a full recovery, as the SLI moved up a few more points and finally broke 500; the first time in nearly a month and a half.
Experts are hoping that a full recovery is right around the corner and that the social recession does not turn into a social depression saying that the rise is a good indicator of things to come.
Experts are hoping that a full recovery is right around the corner and that the social recession does not turn into a social depression saying that the rise is a good indicator of things to come.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Revenge
Reading 3 Nephi 3 and listening to Giddianhi's letter is disgusting.
In it, Giddianhi, leader of the Gadianton robbers, claims that the people of Nephi have robbed them of their rightful place to government. He goes on to invite Lachoneus, leader of the Nephites, to join them in their secret works and become brothers with them. How is that for sounding contradictory? And how can you claim to be in the right when you operate through secret works?
THEN, Giddianhi threatens to destroy the Nephites if they don't comply. Haha. Yeah, like "Hey, we love you , come join us. But if you don't, we kill you". They sound very righteous. haha.
As I read this, I thought of how Satan tries to get us on his side first by peer pressure, then persuasion, and then by threats paralleling Giddianhi's tactics.
But I also realize that Satan gets us by turning us against God. Satan can threaten us by becoming mad and bitter against us, but more often he gets US to become mad and bitter and to threaten God.
Sometimes, when things don't get right, people can threaten God that they will leave the Church, or sin, or do something stupid in order to hurt God. Revenge basically in the name of love and attention. The people may truly be hurt, but they don't realize their childish revenge tactics don't do anything but hurt themselves.
In it, Giddianhi, leader of the Gadianton robbers, claims that the people of Nephi have robbed them of their rightful place to government. He goes on to invite Lachoneus, leader of the Nephites, to join them in their secret works and become brothers with them. How is that for sounding contradictory? And how can you claim to be in the right when you operate through secret works?
THEN, Giddianhi threatens to destroy the Nephites if they don't comply. Haha. Yeah, like "Hey, we love you , come join us. But if you don't, we kill you". They sound very righteous. haha.
As I read this, I thought of how Satan tries to get us on his side first by peer pressure, then persuasion, and then by threats paralleling Giddianhi's tactics.
But I also realize that Satan gets us by turning us against God. Satan can threaten us by becoming mad and bitter against us, but more often he gets US to become mad and bitter and to threaten God.
Sometimes, when things don't get right, people can threaten God that they will leave the Church, or sin, or do something stupid in order to hurt God. Revenge basically in the name of love and attention. The people may truly be hurt, but they don't realize their childish revenge tactics don't do anything but hurt themselves.
Tender Mercies
First of all, I'd like to say how grateful I am for the Lord's tender mercies. As I've gone through life's trials, and especially going through the mission, I've realized how much the Lord loves me because He gives me trials. I've come to the point where if I'm feeling particularly sucky, or stressed, or overwhelmed, I just sit back, be humble, and try to figure out what I need to learn, and/ or try and wait it out. I love challenges in a weird way. It makes me a better person by far. Still, its not easy to have to go through them.
My curse and blessing is that because I really do love people, and so my greatest trials come from relationships. But the Lord always manages to cheer me up and give me a ray of sunshine admist the storm often through someone else, whether an old friend that just felt like randomly texting me, or strangers saying hi and being friendly. I'm ever grateful for these little things and its amazing how strong and powerful they can in changing my mood.
My curse and blessing is that because I really do love people, and so my greatest trials come from relationships. But the Lord always manages to cheer me up and give me a ray of sunshine admist the storm often through someone else, whether an old friend that just felt like randomly texting me, or strangers saying hi and being friendly. I'm ever grateful for these little things and its amazing how strong and powerful they can in changing my mood.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Today.
Happy moment of the day: A lady walked by and said, "good morning" to me. I feel bad because I had my earphones on, caught her only because i saw her mouth moving, and only managed a "hey". for some reason, that set the tone for the day, and I was just so happy. haha
HAve I done any good in the world today? Gave Theo a ride to the t-mobile store. yeah1
HAve I done any good in the world today? Gave Theo a ride to the t-mobile store. yeah1
Monday, October 5, 2009
Annoyed
Why do some girls ask you for your phone number and then never do anything with it? annoying.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Quiet
i'm not yours, and you're not mine,
but we can sit, and pass the time.
No fighting wars, no ringing chimes,
we're just feeling fine.
This is where we're supposed to be,
sitting by the broken tree.
No tragedy, no poetry,
just staring at the sky.
I can wait a thousand hours,
stay the same, in sun and showers,
pick apart a hundred flowers,
just to be quiet.
Tell me when you feel ready,
I'm the one, there's not too many,
hold my hand, to keep me steady.
Just to be quiet,
with you-oo-oo
with you-oo-oo
Click it here, beside you dear,
you're even more than you appear.
And in the clouds, my head is clear
every time you say hello.
Here's my heart, and here's my mouth,
and I can't help if things come out.
Cause there are words I want to shout,
maybe I'll stay low.
I can wait a thousand hours,
stay the same, in sun and showers,
pick apart a hundred flowers,
just to be quiet.
Tell me when you feel ready,
I'm the one, there's not too many,
hold my hand, to keep me steady.
Just to be quiet,
with you-oo-oo
with you-oo-oo
- Lights
but we can sit, and pass the time.
No fighting wars, no ringing chimes,
we're just feeling fine.
This is where we're supposed to be,
sitting by the broken tree.
No tragedy, no poetry,
just staring at the sky.
I can wait a thousand hours,
stay the same, in sun and showers,
pick apart a hundred flowers,
just to be quiet.
Tell me when you feel ready,
I'm the one, there's not too many,
hold my hand, to keep me steady.
Just to be quiet,
with you-oo-oo
with you-oo-oo
Click it here, beside you dear,
you're even more than you appear.
And in the clouds, my head is clear
every time you say hello.
Here's my heart, and here's my mouth,
and I can't help if things come out.
Cause there are words I want to shout,
maybe I'll stay low.
I can wait a thousand hours,
stay the same, in sun and showers,
pick apart a hundred flowers,
just to be quiet.
Tell me when you feel ready,
I'm the one, there's not too many,
hold my hand, to keep me steady.
Just to be quiet,
with you-oo-oo
with you-oo-oo
- Lights
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
REcap on Resolution
Recap of my New YEar's for September.
1. Spiritual amendment -
read the scriptures every day - missed 5 days.
attend church every week - check
pray daily -check
2. grades -
straight A's - Marketing - good (of course, i haven't taken the midterm yet, it will be make or break day tomorrow)
Finance - the hardest class i have...so ok.
PD Bio 120 - one of the most confusing classes i have....but I like it. good.
HEPE - A for sure. the class is fun.
Chinese 101 - in an ironic turn of events, my most feared class has become my most manageable class...and also, as our class is realizing the potential awesomeness and fun we have in hanging out together, i think the class will skyrocket even more next month. the class is SO fun. planning already as a group to take 102 next semester. GREAT
3. health -
have good health - revamping and drafting program that will include stretching, muscular strength, muscular endurance, and cardiovascular exercises over a 6 to 8 week period, 5 to 6 times a week. So far, its been going good and I'm clocked in, according to HEPE, as "very active". Also, changing my habit of eating by eating out less.
4. dancing -
improve dancing - 2nd year in club style has gained me more momentum. going to keep it up. plus, it will help me exercise.
5. dating -
once a month at least. September was not productive due to my inactivity. Expecting October to be much different as I change my plans.
6. temple -
temple at LEAST once a month - fail. October plans to be better though.
1. Spiritual amendment -
read the scriptures every day - missed 5 days.
attend church every week - check
pray daily -check
2. grades -
straight A's - Marketing - good (of course, i haven't taken the midterm yet, it will be make or break day tomorrow)
Finance - the hardest class i have...so ok.
PD Bio 120 - one of the most confusing classes i have....but I like it. good.
HEPE - A for sure. the class is fun.
Chinese 101 - in an ironic turn of events, my most feared class has become my most manageable class...and also, as our class is realizing the potential awesomeness and fun we have in hanging out together, i think the class will skyrocket even more next month. the class is SO fun. planning already as a group to take 102 next semester. GREAT
3. health -
have good health - revamping and drafting program that will include stretching, muscular strength, muscular endurance, and cardiovascular exercises over a 6 to 8 week period, 5 to 6 times a week. So far, its been going good and I'm clocked in, according to HEPE, as "very active". Also, changing my habit of eating by eating out less.
4. dancing -
improve dancing - 2nd year in club style has gained me more momentum. going to keep it up. plus, it will help me exercise.
5. dating -
once a month at least. September was not productive due to my inactivity. Expecting October to be much different as I change my plans.
6. temple -
temple at LEAST once a month - fail. October plans to be better though.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Resolutions
Some of my New Year's resolutions (adjusted where needed).
1. Spiritual amendment - read the scriptures every day, attend church every week, pray daily.
2. grades - straight A's
3. health - have good health. I know. very general and vague. Will rewrite it in a few days.
4. dancing - not applied as much now as it was at the beginning of the year, but I do want to improve my dancing through improving my health, and fitness
5. dating - once a month at least. hopefully, with a new plan and new desire, October should be a good start.
6. temple - temple at LEAST once a month
1. Spiritual amendment - read the scriptures every day, attend church every week, pray daily.
2. grades - straight A's
3. health - have good health. I know. very general and vague. Will rewrite it in a few days.
4. dancing - not applied as much now as it was at the beginning of the year, but I do want to improve my dancing through improving my health, and fitness
5. dating - once a month at least. hopefully, with a new plan and new desire, October should be a good start.
6. temple - temple at LEAST once a month
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
It's time.
Its time to climb back into the dating game again. I have to rebuild my desire. Its going to be a long hill back...but Mike and I had set the goal. I have felt no need to actually pursue it, but with Mike holding me accountable I will try. After a successful winter and spring run, I feel my desire now lacking very much. Its not even that I don't want to, but that I don't feel the need to. It's going to be a challenge. But let's do it to it. Let's get it going.
Since this school year started I've become more organized, more goal oriented, more scheduled, toned down, settled, determined to smash whatever school hands me, less prone to make stupid choices, more thoughtful, thought out, careful, and observant. The result of all this is that I feel less excited to try new things unless they benefit me in some way or further my goals. I feel like I have a household to run, a sister to take care of, and school work to study. It feels like my energy has been diverted to these things. Everything I do now, I think twice, because I'm not only thinking for myself, but looking out for my sister.
Honestly, in the beginning, I felt split in half between what I want to do and what I need to do. Before, it didn't matter, I bore the brunt of the consequences of my own actions, and was crazy enough to get away with it. With my sister here, I can't do that. Plus, my sister and I come from two different worlds, making bridging that gap harder to cross. I have to help her feel welcome without isolating myself. With all this, I just don't feel like I have the energy or the reason to be just me.
However, I think its time I start dating again having put off the month of September. Its time I get back into it.
Since this school year started I've become more organized, more goal oriented, more scheduled, toned down, settled, determined to smash whatever school hands me, less prone to make stupid choices, more thoughtful, thought out, careful, and observant. The result of all this is that I feel less excited to try new things unless they benefit me in some way or further my goals. I feel like I have a household to run, a sister to take care of, and school work to study. It feels like my energy has been diverted to these things. Everything I do now, I think twice, because I'm not only thinking for myself, but looking out for my sister.
Honestly, in the beginning, I felt split in half between what I want to do and what I need to do. Before, it didn't matter, I bore the brunt of the consequences of my own actions, and was crazy enough to get away with it. With my sister here, I can't do that. Plus, my sister and I come from two different worlds, making bridging that gap harder to cross. I have to help her feel welcome without isolating myself. With all this, I just don't feel like I have the energy or the reason to be just me.
However, I think its time I start dating again having put off the month of September. Its time I get back into it.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Points
It is an important thing for me to remember that family is first; that what I do now are building blocks not only for my character, but for future relationships. There are always opportunities to grow and to understand more for yourself and about yourself. Trials befalling us aren't easy and there isn't much room to pity yourself, especially when there are thousands of others out there.
So the easiest way to build yourself remains to be helping others. When all is said and done, when all the preaching of the Gospel has died down, when the good feelings, the food, the comraderie is over, the most essential thing to do is to act. All our talk of service, and love, and testimony won't do much if we're not out there doing.
That remains a weakness of mine. Its sort of a twist of irony. That to become a better me, and to weather these trials, the key is Christ first, and then others. What better way to reach Christ than to do unto others what He wants us to do?
Life is such challenge. Fortunately, challenges are fun.
So the easiest way to build yourself remains to be helping others. When all is said and done, when all the preaching of the Gospel has died down, when the good feelings, the food, the comraderie is over, the most essential thing to do is to act. All our talk of service, and love, and testimony won't do much if we're not out there doing.
That remains a weakness of mine. Its sort of a twist of irony. That to become a better me, and to weather these trials, the key is Christ first, and then others. What better way to reach Christ than to do unto others what He wants us to do?
Life is such challenge. Fortunately, challenges are fun.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Who is the Answer?
Been moving so much, that it’s becoming hard to keep in touch
With whom I am because ends of me are scattered in different places and friends, and see
if,
you have different identities because with everyone you act differently,
Then who are you really in the end when you’re reflected in people you see endlessly?
Is this
the meaning of forever? Being connected individually together?
I feel like a feather in the wind, free-flowing, not knowing where I may rest in the end,
But if they,
say when you lose yourself you find yourself, then isn’t the key to discover
Who you really are inside by being lost in the discovery of others?
All I mean is this,
I just want to mean something,
To someone somewhere
to matter while here.
For isn’t that our biggest dream?
For someone to care,
or always be there?
So this is the question,
Who is the answer?
Even though I’m used to me, it’s hard to think who I used to be.
Is the world changing or is it just the way I look at it that’s rearranging?
Or both?
Can I still be myself without ever interacting or
is the meaning of being human interacting with other human beings?
Who am I really?
I just want to mean something,
To someone somewhere,
To matter while here.
Isn’t our dream the one and same,
For someone to care,
Or always be there?
So this is the question,
Who is the answer?
Who is the answer?
All I know from learning in the end is this,
Understanding who you are is half the happiness.
I just want to mean something,
To someone somewhere,
To matter while here.
Isn’t that our one shared dream,
For someone to care,
Or always be there?
Maybe its in myself
To change and to try
To feel more alive.
and maybe its me as well,
To see someone else,
And be there to help.
So this is the question
Who is the answer?
Monday, September 7, 2009
Pre-Season
I never really ever know what to say, when all my emotions get in the way. I'm just trying to get us on the same page.
So its Season 3 and I am anticipating the third year jump that is predicted in basketball. haha.
It began with a bang as BYU defeated OU 14-13, and Mike and I went running and driving and yelling through the streets of Provo. We got it on camera. haha.
Amidst the victory came two sorta bitter sweet pieces of news. But reading Larissa's blog cheered me up a little and reminded me that God is good. haha.
Having the fam over was great too. I just didn't realize it until they left...haha.
So its Season 3 and I am anticipating the third year jump that is predicted in basketball. haha.
It began with a bang as BYU defeated OU 14-13, and Mike and I went running and driving and yelling through the streets of Provo. We got it on camera. haha.
Amidst the victory came two sorta bitter sweet pieces of news. But reading Larissa's blog cheered me up a little and reminded me that God is good. haha.
Having the fam over was great too. I just didn't realize it until they left...haha.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Interesting Day
So. Interesting day. ...
I went to check out the Folk Dance thing because a friend of mine asked me to go, and someone said they needed guys. BUT, when I showed up there were more guys than girls, and there were sooOO many people that they had to form two circles. CRAZY!
So I left that and went to Circle K's opening thing since I thought I'd give it another try. It was cool. Met a lot of people. Definitely not the same as Key Club in high school, but met the Lt. Governor for the San Bernandino section, Lucia. She was really kewl, and I think we clicked really really fast. She seemed nice enough and we were like best friends by the end of the meeting.
Then I go back down to check out folk dancing, and started chatting with this...really talkative girl. We started talking about how kewl folk dancing was, and we laughed and stuff and she was really easy to talk to (though she had like three guys swamping her at random moments throughout our conversation...and they were real touchy....)
Anyway, she thought I should really try out. Unfortunately, I had missed the practice, but she told me that I could probably audition to get into one of the Folk Dance feeder teams (smaller teams that graduate into the elite International Folk Dance company), and that I would probably have a chance at performing Chrimstas Around the World come December in the Mariott Center. I was really skeptical because those were really really good dancers. So she came with me to the ballroom to talk with the registration people, and they sent this really nice guy out to teach me some stuff.
Apparently, if you're a guy, its REALLY easy to get in. He taught me some steps, the director dude came out, and basically said, "you're good to go". hahaha. Unfortunately, I couldn't because I really didn't want to drop my classes in order to be at their practices. They were nice about it, but I guess they really need guys cause they told me that I should drop that class, and even after I told them no, they gave me their number just in case I changed my mind.
however, I will do it next semester, and I will watch this year's Christmas Around the World to see just what the world I'm getting myself into.
I never got that girl's name. dang it.
I went to check out the Folk Dance thing because a friend of mine asked me to go, and someone said they needed guys. BUT, when I showed up there were more guys than girls, and there were sooOO many people that they had to form two circles. CRAZY!
So I left that and went to Circle K's opening thing since I thought I'd give it another try. It was cool. Met a lot of people. Definitely not the same as Key Club in high school, but met the Lt. Governor for the San Bernandino section, Lucia. She was really kewl, and I think we clicked really really fast. She seemed nice enough and we were like best friends by the end of the meeting.
Then I go back down to check out folk dancing, and started chatting with this...really talkative girl. We started talking about how kewl folk dancing was, and we laughed and stuff and she was really easy to talk to (though she had like three guys swamping her at random moments throughout our conversation...and they were real touchy....)
Anyway, she thought I should really try out. Unfortunately, I had missed the practice, but she told me that I could probably audition to get into one of the Folk Dance feeder teams (smaller teams that graduate into the elite International Folk Dance company), and that I would probably have a chance at performing Chrimstas Around the World come December in the Mariott Center. I was really skeptical because those were really really good dancers. So she came with me to the ballroom to talk with the registration people, and they sent this really nice guy out to teach me some stuff.
Apparently, if you're a guy, its REALLY easy to get in. He taught me some steps, the director dude came out, and basically said, "you're good to go". hahaha. Unfortunately, I couldn't because I really didn't want to drop my classes in order to be at their practices. They were nice about it, but I guess they really need guys cause they told me that I should drop that class, and even after I told them no, they gave me their number just in case I changed my mind.
however, I will do it next semester, and I will watch this year's Christmas Around the World to see just what the world I'm getting myself into.
I never got that girl's name. dang it.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Back in the Act
Leaving California is so bittersweet. UGH. I love everyone back home. So many things I feel I have not yet accomplished. So many new friends JUST made. So many friendships so fragile. Dates that have not been gone on yet. Why do I always seem to be on the brink of a breakthrough whenever I have to go back to BYU? This must be some kind of torture. Some kind of game.
The Cali ward seems so fun, close knit, united, and like a family. I guess I shouldn't forget everything I've gained at BYU either.
But then, aren't I always this way? I'm always leaving, always moving, always changing.
I say bring it on. Let's do it to it. Let's rock the campus. And who knows, some Cali kids could be joining me soon. haha.
And in 8 months time I will loathe going back to Cali, thinking there's nothing for me there (specifically, no one). How wrong I am everytime. :)
The Cali ward seems so fun, close knit, united, and like a family. I guess I shouldn't forget everything I've gained at BYU either.
But then, aren't I always this way? I'm always leaving, always moving, always changing.
I say bring it on. Let's do it to it. Let's rock the campus. And who knows, some Cali kids could be joining me soon. haha.
And in 8 months time I will loathe going back to Cali, thinking there's nothing for me there (specifically, no one). How wrong I am everytime. :)
Monday, August 24, 2009
This Time Last Year
Found a journal entry from August 30th, 2008. Thought it was funny. Its about adjusting back to life after the mission. HAHA
"My life to normalcy was considerably sped up by Brother David Watts, and Professor Torrey Dickinson, founders of the '3 Week Accelerated Program' designed to help returning missionaries adjust back to life. Thank goodness for them taking me into their wing and showing me the ropes. David showed me how to waste time, and Torrey showed me how to reverse some of my mindset, haha. I'm not going to lie, they did help me a lot. After 2 weeks break I came back to raise my poor grades of a C-, and B.
Let's just say, it's harder than it looks and passing with flying colors wasn't the exact term for my grades. The hardest thing was [not] not feeling weird when girls touched [me], but what to do back [after they did]. I found myself in many a circumstance of just smiling this awkward smile. Then again, that's me. That's why I had a C-.
They taught me how to stay up late, sleep in, lounge around, approach girls, set up dates, and even watch movies. In the course of that time I also was alone without a companion, watched TV, swam in a pool, played video and computer games, entered Wal-Mart post-mish, approached girls, and many other firsts. It was a time of freakish- no bars hold, fun. However, even Watts and Dickinson couldn't teach me everything.
Enter Miss Desiree Gahr, fresh graduate out of high school, only seventeen, and ready to take on the world. An educator and psychologist on the subject of women. There came a point where Torry admitted they could go no further. In the short time I was Miss Gahr's pupil I learned a lot. Not enough to know everything, oh no. Definitely not. Not even enough to take on the world. But I did gain a few pointers. "
"My life to normalcy was considerably sped up by Brother David Watts, and Professor Torrey Dickinson, founders of the '3 Week Accelerated Program' designed to help returning missionaries adjust back to life. Thank goodness for them taking me into their wing and showing me the ropes. David showed me how to waste time, and Torrey showed me how to reverse some of my mindset, haha. I'm not going to lie, they did help me a lot. After 2 weeks break I came back to raise my poor grades of a C-, and B.
Let's just say, it's harder than it looks and passing with flying colors wasn't the exact term for my grades. The hardest thing was [not] not feeling weird when girls touched [me], but what to do back [after they did]. I found myself in many a circumstance of just smiling this awkward smile. Then again, that's me. That's why I had a C-.
They taught me how to stay up late, sleep in, lounge around, approach girls, set up dates, and even watch movies. In the course of that time I also was alone without a companion, watched TV, swam in a pool, played video and computer games, entered Wal-Mart post-mish, approached girls, and many other firsts. It was a time of freakish- no bars hold, fun. However, even Watts and Dickinson couldn't teach me everything.
Enter Miss Desiree Gahr, fresh graduate out of high school, only seventeen, and ready to take on the world. An educator and psychologist on the subject of women. There came a point where Torry admitted they could go no further. In the short time I was Miss Gahr's pupil I learned a lot. Not enough to know everything, oh no. Definitely not. Not even enough to take on the world. But I did gain a few pointers. "
Friday, August 21, 2009
Women in the Church
"Women do have power in the Church! That power comes from knowing who they are and what they must do. That power comes from a provided anchor and direction in life. How can others say our women are enslaved, when they are themselves enslaved in addictions, confusion, lack of direction, and unhappiness? They are better than those who drink and party and don't know what they are doing, but catering to lusts, passions, and instincts and become nothing more than the sum of those feelings. That's not freedom or power! That's regression and imprisonment!"
When I hear the girls in the ward answer questions and bear testimony it always touches my heart to feel how strong they are. People think that the women in our Church are tied down by traditions and fashions of the past. But its not true. By fulfilling what God wants them to do, they become more self-aware, more confident, and thus they become stronger. Who says they aren't smart, or independent, or self-motivated? There is a drastic difference in aura between a girl who has the love of God and sharing that love, and a girl who indulges in the worldly things.
When I hear the girls in the ward answer questions and bear testimony it always touches my heart to feel how strong they are. People think that the women in our Church are tied down by traditions and fashions of the past. But its not true. By fulfilling what God wants them to do, they become more self-aware, more confident, and thus they become stronger. Who says they aren't smart, or independent, or self-motivated? There is a drastic difference in aura between a girl who has the love of God and sharing that love, and a girl who indulges in the worldly things.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Drive My Soul
So. Dez is a lot spiritually deeper than I thought, not that I'm a spiritual giant or anything. I was reading through a mission journal at an entry that was written near my 18 month mark that was quite deep in thought. I'd like to think that I was growing throughout my entire mission spiritually, so that by 18 months, I was a lot better than where I was at 2 months or even 16 months.
Anyway, I was reading and then out of nowhere, I read a line that struck me quite significantly because I immediately thought of Dezzy. The line matched nearly word for word, something that Dezzy had said when we were discussing marriage and love. Wow. You go girl. And also, the Holy Spirit is really amazing.
and for some reason, this song is playing in my head....and now its playing on iTunes. :)
Drive My Soul Lyrics
Seems somebody put out the moon
Now the road is a minefield
I can't follow the way she moves
I can't see past the shadows
You make the darkness disappear
I feel found when you stay near
I know where I am when you are here
My way becomes so clear
When you are gone
Will I lose control?
You are the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?
Seems somebody burned out the signs
I can't expect the hard curves
There is no borders
There are no lines
How can I know where to turn?
You make the street lights reappear
I feel bright when you stand near
I know what I am when you are here
My place becomes so clear
When you are gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive me soul?
Will I lose control?
You're the only road that I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?
Drive my soul
When you're gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
When you're gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?
Anyway, I was reading and then out of nowhere, I read a line that struck me quite significantly because I immediately thought of Dezzy. The line matched nearly word for word, something that Dezzy had said when we were discussing marriage and love. Wow. You go girl. And also, the Holy Spirit is really amazing.
and for some reason, this song is playing in my head....and now its playing on iTunes. :)
Drive My Soul Lyrics
Seems somebody put out the moon
Now the road is a minefield
I can't follow the way she moves
I can't see past the shadows
You make the darkness disappear
I feel found when you stay near
I know where I am when you are here
My way becomes so clear
When you are gone
Will I lose control?
You are the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?
Seems somebody burned out the signs
I can't expect the hard curves
There is no borders
There are no lines
How can I know where to turn?
You make the street lights reappear
I feel bright when you stand near
I know what I am when you are here
My place becomes so clear
When you are gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive me soul?
Will I lose control?
You're the only road that I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?
Drive my soul
When you're gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
When you're gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?
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