social psych

i'm thinking about starting a new blog on all the kewl, crazy, and fascinating things I learn in sociology, psychology, and social psychology. Why not do it here you ask? Cuz I'd want it away from my more private and personal thoughts. Something that I'm not afraid of or will regret posting the link to in other places.

of course, my worry is that eventually I'll lose interest and would have 2 blogs for no reason at all. ..

Its not you, its me. For realz.

i went to the bookstore today. And unexpectedly, I saw a girl there that I took out on a date a year ago. She had dyed her hair and was wearing glasses. I looked at her for a moment to see if she recognized me. She didn't seem to, so I spent the next few minutes pretending to browse through books awkwardly while she put some books on the shelf. I went home and looked her up on facebook. Yep, we were still friends. I don't know why.

See. She was very interested. I wasn't. It wasn't anything that was wrong. The timing was just off. But I will always feel bad for the way I say "no". By just letting it fade away. I'm just that kind of person. Girls have done that to me, and I hate it, but I understand, because I do it all the time. "What happened to so and so?" "Oh. Well. I don't know...she just kinda....uh...we just stopped talking?"

and that's how it always happens. we just stop talking. And sometimes it ends badly or awkwardly. The pile continues to grow. Yeah sure a lot of my friends are girls, but at least all my enemies are too.

And now i'm starting to realize something. if it happens once, yeah, that stuff happens. twice, bad luck. three times, bad streak. four times or more? Its not them, its you buddy (same with the mission). in other words, its not any of the girls' faults. its mine. And i can't get over myself. ugh. I guess something's just holding me back from giving it my all. I don't know. Maybe I need to make it a goal. Those always help.

Charity Never Faileth

A girl went onto the podium this past sunday during fast and testimony meeting and shared a heartfelt message about God understanding who you are and being there. She said over the last few months she began building an overwhelming sense of loneliness. She said to herself, "who am I kidding? I don't have a relationship with any of these people!" regarding her friends. She was crying the whole time, and it actually shocked me. She always came off as a popular, energetic, spiritual, and outgoing person. I could not have tell that she was dealing with this. It saddened me. I don't know her very well. I went on one date with her (the only girl I ever dated from Asian Ward besides another girl who seems to be considering moving into the ward) and I felt like we connected really well. We would always say "hi" to each other.

But then this semester she stopped saying hi. So I just assumed it was awkward or something. Truth be told, I thought she just didn't care to say hi anymore so I responded likewise. As she was bearing her testimony I felt so foolish to have judged her that way.

Do we ever assume that someone doesn't need our help? Do we assume someone is doing fine? I heard someone say that if we always assume someone needs healing we will be right 50% of the time. In getting caught up in my own self I forgot to look our for others. In judging others I didn't realize they were dealing with their own hurts.

"There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere." - President Monson, Charity Never Faileth

The Purging is Complete

"If I have not talked to you for a few weeks or months, if I don't think either one of us will say hi to each other if we saw each other on the streets, if I added you first, and if you are not an Office character, I will be defriending you from facebook. I think that's reasonable." - facebook status

This is my second purging, but this one is significantly larger. The first time I did I only deleted 32 people. This time I intend to do a real purging. It took my 3 years to get to 1000 friends.

Several things came together to help me do this. A) i really didn't know that many people on facebook actually and the more I thought about it the more ridiculous it became. B) I'm a packrat. I keep so many things "just in case" or for memories. I was the same with people. I hate defriending people. even people I hadn't seen for years. I was scared of the possibility of running into them "just in case". C) I kept people mostly for networking purposes. I liked the fact that I had a network of people extending everywhere in most states and many countries. I always thought that at some future time I could call on them for help. But then I became aware that if I didn't have any relationship with these people the possibility of doing that was probably slim. D) More people stay updated on my facebook status than I thought, so everytime I thought about deleting someone I never knew if they were actually following me on facebook. E) Let's face it. Seeing 1227 people on your facebook friends gives you sense of pride, even if it doesn't mean anything (even right now I miss that feeling haha). But I realized that that number didn't have any bearing on who I felt I was. "Being popular is not cool" - Lights yesterday. So. BAM!

The way I determined to keep someone

1) Have I seen you recently? No? Out, unless

2) if we saw each other would we say hi?

3) Do we have history together? I did not delete any people from R3, nor older friends from longer ago. Mission was also something else.

4) Were you married? If you were, you were harder hit.

5) Did I add you first? If I did I had no qualms about defriending you. But if you added me, for some reason, I feel obligated to keep you.

6) Were you a girl I used to crush on? BAM. You're gone. Held on to you too long.

As I started defriending people I actually started becoming obsessed with deleting as many people as I could. I started defriending at a faster and more ferocious pace and soon, even if we hadn't talked for just a short while, I was defriending you.

Still I feel I was a little too lenient on some people. I might go back for a second round sweep. What surprised was how easy it was once I started (though again. looking at my somewhat decimated friends' list dismayed me a bit I will admit). There was one girl who I looked at our mutual contacts and just completely obliterated that link. I deleted her and EVERY mutual friend. I was also surprised by people I could not recall AT ALL where I had met them or even recognize their faces. WEird. Those went fast. But at least no more "i know that person from somewhere....facebook..."

What surprised me even more though was how many people I could actually say I know, and are friends with. I went in hoping to reduce my friends' list to around 300, but it wasn't like that at all.

Done with the first round. Took me over an hour. Sheesh. But in total, 249 are gone with more to come.

Update

I decided that I'd do a regular blog this time instead of thoughts and ponderings. Ya know, just a sorta update on what's going on. So...several things.

I'm still addicted to zombies. I found that out when I watched "The Walking Dead" on AMC. really good series. At least really good first episode. I like zombies. Reminds me...I should update my Zombie Evacuation Plan.

My sister's birthday is coming up. I got her the pocket watch she wanted. I got her the last one. Booyah. check it Yep. last one. none left? That's right. :) Cost a pretty penny that's for sure. Speaking of zombies, and amazon, and expensive, Lights current obsession is Yetis. In fact, the name of her current tour is the "Are we There Yeti?" tour. Weird. And she bought these. Dork.

on the sporting front, the Lakers are pretty much owning the season. Granted, we are four games in. Today we play the Kings. That's Mike's team. And when this happens, a lot of trash talking goes on. Examine the following:

Mike: I just hope you blow them out. Then you'll come into sactown relaxed

Me: Haha. Don't you want us to play hard and be exhausted?

Mike: That doesn't happen to nba players this early in the season. I want you lazy. and I want to beat you at full strength.

Me: Yeah. You've made a classic laker opponent mistkae. That is. Thinking you cannbeat us at full strength. :)

Mike: ' [Your] arrogance is an offense to people who think.' - Bill Walton

Me: The truth will set you free. - Jesus. :)

Me: I guess you got your wish. We were leading 73 to 46 at the half...

Mike: Then prepare to be defeated in shocking fashion by the upstart kings. It will be a sign of things to come in april...

Me: Haha. Ok. I'm excited for our fifth win tonight

Mike: I'm excited to see your face after tyreke's game winner. :)

Me: Just to let you know, we've won the last two games by 21.5 points. :)

Mike: Just to let you know, we've won our last two games. I don't know when the last time i could say that was :)

Also. Mike's name in my phone is Tyreke Evans, the best player on the Kings. Doubly offensive to me. I'm just saying, his players better get ankle insurance.

And the last thing. I was in the library from 4 pm to 11:30 pm ...reading 30 pages of stupid textbook stuff. Why? Because my friends kept distracting me. Its all good. It was fun. It was the most entertaining 7 1/2 hours of studying in the library I've ever had. reminded me of freshman year. ... haha