Its not you, its me. For realz.

i went to the bookstore today. And unexpectedly, I saw a girl there that I took out on a date a year ago. She had dyed her hair and was wearing glasses. I looked at her for a moment to see if she recognized me. She didn't seem to, so I spent the next few minutes pretending to browse through books awkwardly while she put some books on the shelf. I went home and looked her up on facebook. Yep, we were still friends. I don't know why.

See. She was very interested. I wasn't. It wasn't anything that was wrong. The timing was just off. But I will always feel bad for the way I say "no". By just letting it fade away. I'm just that kind of person. Girls have done that to me, and I hate it, but I understand, because I do it all the time. "What happened to so and so?" "Oh. Well. I don't know...she just kinda....uh...we just stopped talking?"

and that's how it always happens. we just stop talking. And sometimes it ends badly or awkwardly. The pile continues to grow. Yeah sure a lot of my friends are girls, but at least all my enemies are too.

And now i'm starting to realize something. if it happens once, yeah, that stuff happens. twice, bad luck. three times, bad streak. four times or more? Its not them, its you buddy (same with the mission). in other words, its not any of the girls' faults. its mine. And i can't get over myself. ugh. I guess something's just holding me back from giving it my all. I don't know. Maybe I need to make it a goal. Those always help.