Sum of All Achievements

i think it's kinda funny that the entirety of human technology and achievement has come down to this; that quite simply, we have mastered the ability to exterminate ourselves. Congratulations humanity!

I can imagine a symposium of all mother nature's animals gathering together to talk about their latest achievements. Some animals will have extreme speed, power, agility. There will be kewl inventors like African termites who are master constructors and who have created air conditioning. There will be gross animals like finches who are designed to dive bomb other birds til they vomit so the finches can eat the vomit up. Then humanity, the darling of mother nature, will be asked, "so, what are your latest accomplishments.

The human will get up and say, "get this. We can exterminate ourselves!"
Then the following responses:

Lion: D:
Penguin: D:
Rhino: D:
gross finches: D:

Mother Nature: Um, congratulations humanity. You've uh...you've been working on that for quite a while.

Human being: Yep.

Mother Nature: is that it?

Human Being: Uh. Yeah. It's the entire sum of our achievements. It's what we've been aiming for.

Human smiles proudly.

"Good for you," Mother Nature says as she slowly turns to another animal, a clear look of horrid, shock, and concern on her face gasping at the thought that for all the hard work she did and humanity themselves did, that this was what they had come up with.

Self-Reflection

So. Things have been quiet relatively. Nothing much going on here. I don't know what to say these days anymore. Besides, now I have FOUR blogs. YES. Count that! That's not even including my xanga and ign video game blogs. Gah. Man i do love to write sometimes don't I? :)

I'm also realizing that I have trouble letting people get close to me. As soon as someone gets too close I tend to push them away. i don't know why that is. MAYBE, it's people like Allena who completely blindsided me with what she did. But. That's over. And now I gotta deal with Brianne. And myself.

I've been in a self-reflecting mood lately, trying to understand myself better, and I know that that involves God at some point or other. As mentioned previous, what really motivates me? Why am I afraid of getting close to people? Am I actually a hard person to get along with? Where did I come from and where am I going? Jay kay on that last one.

Confessions

So I admit that I'm not the hardest worker neither am I the fastest, most focused, or most motivated. In fact, I'm just pretty average. A lot of times my motivation flags and I'm dead in the water. This makes me more admire people like Kobe Bryant who seems to be motivated no matter what. Even when they've already achieved the height of their profession not once, but five times! And this guy is STILL motivated. Inspirational.I just need to find what my motivation is. Is it to be the very best like no one ever was? A lot of times it is, but then...what do I want to be the best at? Everything? Is that even possible? Is it to leave a legacy of enduring, pushing forward, and persevering against all odds? Sometimes, but that itself is sometimes depressing. Is it to be a good friend, the best person, and loyal person? I don't know. Whatever it is, I need to find it. Some soul searching is in need. I certainly know what Charlie Sheen's is.

Sometimes when I miss class, people attribute it to my lack of care, carefulness, or lazinesss. Sometimes it's true. But sometimes it's false (really, there's only true and false here people). What do I mean? for example, today I was late to Chinese class. Why? Not because i didn't care (ok, maybe a bit of that), but because I was talking to a friend who was talking to me about her thoughts on death and her life. Tell me which is a more serious issue to address at 12 on tuesday. Going to class? or helping someone with depression? And really, a lot of times that's what it was. I was late to the korean Festival last Saturday because a friend was telling me about her life and the struggles she was going through. Call me lazy, but I also understand that sometimes, improving someone's life is not about doing the grandiose things, but just being someone who listens. Really.

Tipping Point

I have no social life. This is the bottom of the ditch.

I thought about it last week. When do I talk to people? School, work, and Church (including church related activities like home teaching). That's it. Well, there's basketball. i play every week with the same group of people. But I never hang out with them outside of basketball.

I go to school, then work, then come home and surf the internet/do homework (cuz they're the same thing right?). On Sundays I go to Church and say "hi" to people i don't see for the next 6 days. When was the last time I did something FUN? or even social? Asides from going out to eat with my brothers and sisters... the last thing I can remember doing for fun maybe two months ago. Maybe that's why my motivation's gone.

Is it weird, or any wonder, that more than half of my closest friends now consist of LightsArmy members and the only people that like me are teenage LightsArmy girls?

So I'm gonna resolve to reinvigorate one of my New Year's Resolutions, to accept, whenever possible, any invites to do anything with anyone. I need to go out of my way to say hi to people and meet people. I need to start dating again. Seriously, with Finals fast approaching and taking extra work hours now, I need SOMETHING to keep me afloat or else I will burn out. Life is more than school and work right? Or am I just getting lazy these days? -__-;

motivation

For some reason... I've had no motivation to do anything this semester. It's like i'm a buoy, floating lifeless in the water. So..what is wrong with me? I don't know. I know what I'm doing and what I want to do AND I'm doing it, but for whatever reason, I'm just going through the motions. I don't know.

In other news, I'm tutoring LightsArmy kids. LOL

in Light of recent events

...cherish everyone around you. You never know when someone is fighting a hidden battle. Sometimes, when you see it openly it's already too late.