Confessions

So I admit that I'm not the hardest worker neither am I the fastest, most focused, or most motivated. In fact, I'm just pretty average. A lot of times my motivation flags and I'm dead in the water. This makes me more admire people like Kobe Bryant who seems to be motivated no matter what. Even when they've already achieved the height of their profession not once, but five times! And this guy is STILL motivated. Inspirational.I just need to find what my motivation is. Is it to be the very best like no one ever was? A lot of times it is, but then...what do I want to be the best at? Everything? Is that even possible? Is it to leave a legacy of enduring, pushing forward, and persevering against all odds? Sometimes, but that itself is sometimes depressing. Is it to be a good friend, the best person, and loyal person? I don't know. Whatever it is, I need to find it. Some soul searching is in need. I certainly know what Charlie Sheen's is.

Sometimes when I miss class, people attribute it to my lack of care, carefulness, or lazinesss. Sometimes it's true. But sometimes it's false (really, there's only true and false here people). What do I mean? for example, today I was late to Chinese class. Why? Not because i didn't care (ok, maybe a bit of that), but because I was talking to a friend who was talking to me about her thoughts on death and her life. Tell me which is a more serious issue to address at 12 on tuesday. Going to class? or helping someone with depression? And really, a lot of times that's what it was. I was late to the korean Festival last Saturday because a friend was telling me about her life and the struggles she was going through. Call me lazy, but I also understand that sometimes, improving someone's life is not about doing the grandiose things, but just being someone who listens. Really.