It's time.

Its time to climb back into the dating game again. I have to rebuild my desire. Its going to be a long hill back...but Mike and I had set the goal. I have felt no need to actually pursue it, but with Mike holding me accountable I will try. After a successful winter and spring run, I feel my desire now lacking very much. Its not even that I don't want to, but that I don't feel the need to. It's going to be a challenge. But let's do it to it. Let's get it going.




Since this school year started I've become more organized, more goal oriented, more scheduled, toned down, settled, determined to smash whatever school hands me, less prone to make stupid choices, more thoughtful, thought out, careful, and observant. The result of all this is that I feel less excited to try new things unless they benefit me in some way or further my goals. I feel like I have a household to run, a sister to take care of, and school work to study. It feels like my energy has been diverted to these things. Everything I do now, I think twice, because I'm not only thinking for myself, but looking out for my sister.

Honestly, in the beginning, I felt split in half between what I want to do and what I need to do. Before, it didn't matter, I bore the brunt of the consequences of my own actions, and was crazy enough to get away with it. With my sister here, I can't do that. Plus, my sister and I come from two different worlds, making bridging that gap harder to cross. I have to help her feel welcome without isolating myself. With all this, I just don't feel like I have the energy or the reason to be just me.



However, I think its time I start dating again having put off the month of September. Its time I get back into it.