Marriage Prep

So. I don't know exactly why I'm taking marriage prep. Oh wait. I do know. To fulfill the religious credit requirements and to have more credits so that I A) won't be bored, and B) will have a challenge this semester.

For the last few days I've been enjoying it. The teacher makes marriage and parenthood sound so exciting, and the talks and scriptures I've read have gravitated me towards it. However, I've also come to realize the horrid dread that perhaps I will never be able to live up to the standards of marriage that the apostles and prophets are advocating. I honestly feel a little overwhelmed.

such as this line

"His choice of occupation, his social life, his friends, his every interested must now be considered in the light that he is only part of a family, that the totalness of the group must be considered". - Spencer W. Kimball. 1976 devotional.

Spencer W. Kimball has always been straightforward. And that devotional is super straightforward. It talks about finding traits of your spouse's character that you never realized were there, complete unselfishness and forgetting the self, working towards perfection always, the disappearance of virtues that were magnified in courtship, and other things.

The unselfishness and individual freedoms sacrificed isn't exactly what scares me. Its the inadequacy of living up to that that does.

Of course, there are two things gunning for me in this case.

1. I've served a mission. I find myself compatible with nearly every kind of personality. I know that a companionship takes work because I've done it. I've been in 15+ different companionships. I know what it takes to make it work, I know and have experienced the sacrifice required, and I did this with people I did not choose. Needless to say, the mission was amazing. So I'm guessing marriage will be like that.

2. i'm naturally an unselfish person. I've always put the needs of others before mine, sometimes to a fault. And now living with my sister, I've grown more in both serving her, and taking care of things. My own needs are often sacrificed, and I've been doing it for years.

The fact that I'm still scared just means I still have weak faith. So in the mean time I suppose Heavenly Father will continue to mold me.