We are Rockets in the Sky

As I write this I just finished playing basketball and I am supposed to be getting ready to go home teaching which is in an hour. And even more so, since I doubt I'm going to get anything to eat at home teaching, and since I haven't eaten all day, I should be eating. But I can't. No, I'm not anorexic. I just lost my appetite. And everything else suddenly doesn't matter.

The curse of being a good listener and a trustworthy person is that people entrust you with their secrets and things they don't tell anyone else. Sure, being a keeper of secrets has it's thrilling parts that comes inherent with secrecy, but there also come agonizing moments when you are torn with what to do when given a secret. This is one of those moments.

Why are friendships so temporary? Why do they not last very long? How can one person hurt you so badly in a way nothing and no one else can? I guess it's because they become such a big part of your life and caring for someone requires sacrificing something that is such an integral part of you. You sacrifice sovereignty and part of your freedom. So when someone that has been a part of your life suddenly leaves, and furthermore, not only disrupts your future but changes your past memories, it cuts. Deep.

And when that someone leaves on relatively good grounds you're left with the bitterness of mystery and the unknown. You question everything and it tears your basic foundations.

So I sit here. And think. And remember that this is both the curse of being a keeper of secrets and for loving/caring for people in general. The hardest part is keeping it to yourself.

But it's ok. We'll survive right? Sometimes, we are just rockets in the sky. forget me, go your own way. It's been a long time since I've felt like this and it's easy to just close yourself up. But things will always be all right. It's been good.