Big Fear

One of my greatest fears is this: to marry a girl who might lose her faith in the Gospel and lose the light of Christ. OR, be inactive in spiritual progression. OR, be unaware of spiritual things.

I think that is one of my greatest fears because you can never know just by looking at someone. You can't even know after dating for a while and even for a few years. You can predict how strong they can be, but losing a testimony can happen to anyone at the most surprising times.

I remember there were times on my mission where I'd talk to anti-Mormons, or atheists, or philosophers, and, yes, I felt the Spirit withdraw during those times when those meetings were prolonged. At first I couldn't understand the empty feeling I was getting, and later realized it was the withdrawal of the Holy Spirit.

When those times happened I would be able to look at my companion and think, "THANK GOODNESS, I am not doing this alone" and I would thank God tremendously. After one particularly discouraging meeting I turned and said to my companion, "I am so thankful you also believe the Gospel to be true" and we just sat there in the car, feeling the confirmation of the Spirit as it bore witness to us that we both did indeed know and it strengthened our companionship. That feeling was an indescribable feeling of gratitude and the relieving of stress was incredible. When you feel the most alone in the world, and realize how real the war is, its nice to know there is someone standing beside you, fighting as hard as they can for you too.

I know there will be times where my own foundation in Christ will be shaken, my testimony battered, my spirit crushed. It is during those times where I'd love to be able to turn to my wife and say, "I'm thankful you also believe the Gospel to be true" and know that she knows. Then the Spirit will bear witness again, strengthening our faith to continue our battles another day.