Nauvoo

VERY LONG.

first of all, let me say that Lights' new single "Saviour" is absolutely amazing. LOVE IT.

Anyway, Nauvoo was so much more than I had expected. I have learned so much. For the first time in a long time, I broke off the spiritual plateau that I've been on since about December last year. So many spiritual revelations and breakthroughs and I think I made one decision that affected the trip the most. There is way too much to write, and certainly WAY too many pictures to load so I will write some in this blog and then the rest in my journal.

Things experienced and learned (the first 5 being personal revelation that relates to me):

1. "many are called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen? Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world". That one hit me suddenly. I realized that since the mission I've been trying to gain approval of my friends, when I should have been trying to do better obeying God.

2. Coming into the trip I was apprehensive. I was traveling half-way across the country with a ward I barely knew. Being me, and selfish, I decided to shrink back into myself and be anti-social with the thought that I have no need of friends I won't see again. However, as the trip started I missed the ward in Provo so much. I started imaginng what it'd be like if my Provo ward had taken this trip with me instead of my current ward. I tried too hard then, and shrugged off anyone who seemed snobbish or stand-offish. I felt so sick of change and new friends and facades and such, but I had prayed for someone that I could relate to as good as in Provo for at least the duration of the trip friday night before we went to the temple. I just wanted a friend. however

...in the temple I realized that I had a strong desire to return to God because of His unconditional love. I wouldn't need approval of my peers, or anyone for that matter, because His love would do. When I realized that, God provided me with a breakthrough.

And this was what changed the whole trip.

me, Mark, Matt, and Amber

3. Charity. I knew that it was love in action. But I had forgotten that charity was also "loving someone DESPITE how they love you". Despite how they treat you. Despite how they react towards you. Despite if they reciprocate that love back, to just keep loving and loving and loving because it never runs out. I learned that on my mission. I couldn't just HATE someone because they didn't like me. That wasn't love nor charity. I had been treating everyone from the ward with a distrust, but after the temple I resolved to love everyone despite how they treated me back. I tried to be friendly, and when someone ignored me or treated like I didn't exist I just said in my mind "but I love you". And that chanaged EVERYTHING. All of a sudden, I was making new friends left and right. I had been judging too much before.

I had also learned to appreciate what the Lord had already given me. On the plane, I sat with two girls from the ward that I would probably not have met either way, and we had a really good time. Found out one girl was a reader, and we connected instantly on books. Discovered that she was a down to Earth person.

Dezzy and Becks!

I also felt like I got to know Becki and Dezzy a little more. I love them so much!

4. Becks, Dezzy, and I had a good conversation about babies, marriage, and free agency. I had a lot of questions answered. Desiree had been wondering about how free agency connected with trials. And the revelation in the temple was the piece that put it together. People's free agencies affects others, sometimes in horrendous ways. What we do is to continue loving them anyway. To say, "but I love you anyway". That is the meaning of charity.

5. I am so proud and amazed at the women in my single's ward. In talking with them about their spiritual experiences one on one, I realized that despite outward appearances (they all look like plastics, XD) inwardly they are friendly, approachable, and have strong spiritual experiences and testimonies. I saw past their outward beauty. One girl shared how she had never really knew Jospeh Smith was a prophet, and now wanted to serve a mission.

And FINALLY,

6. As for the pioneers and Nauvoo itself, I have come to understand the pioneers, their hardships, and their wonderful, spectacular examples. We always hear of Brigham Young, Joseph Smith, and the other early leaders, but we forget that there were thousands of others with their own unique stories and sacrifices. They gave up so much. They became real to me. I don't have that kind of pioneer ancestry, but for the first time, they became my pioneer ancestry. I knew them. Like the pageant said, "We're more than friends, because we know you". Their trials and hardships have me amazed, but their faith has me humbled to the dirt and ashamed at everything I complained about. i love them, respect them, admire them. My heart breaks everytime I come to really think about what they went through.



7. Sometimes, like the Saints, we just have to cross the river to the other side. Sometimes we look back, and see everything we accomplished, everything we built, everything the Lord commanded us to do. And its hard, VERY HARD, to move forward, but we do. Because we know the Lord is asking us to, and that a prophet leads us. We go willingly because we WANT to. I whine so much about change and how much I hate it, and I'm always caught up in the past, but I realized I need to just shut up, and cross the river. When the Lord calls us to go, we go in faith knowing it is the right thing and that He knows what's best. We go. We cross the river. Despite how many times we've been called to, we cross that river.


I haven't had any time to cry yet because we've been so busy. But in remembering all this I learned (and all this being just a fraction of everything I've written) and experienced ( like how I was able to share my beliefs with two girls from LA on the plane ride home, sacrament meeting outside, Carthage, testimonies, all the inside jokes, all the people I've met), gosh, its just been such a spiritual and eye opening experience. I love Nauvoo, i will remember it, and I will go back. I have to write all this down before its gone! There is so much I've yet to experience!

Dezzy, Becki, and I

But for now, its time to plan for Palmyra and Kirtland in two years!! Aw yeah! If I don't get married. haha.

And I don't want to leave the single's ward. I love them. And there are a lot of beautiful girls in the ward. haha I don't want to go to Taiwan now!