Scripterizing

So Mike and I have come up with a new script that will be filmed documentary-like. Should be great. Our ideas...are kinda weird, but hilarious if we do it right. haha.


Salt Lake was fun...even though we didn't end up going in. Just to a bbq, met a bunch of people, laughed, had the WEIRDEST conversation. It started from talking about tornadoes (cuz Salt Lake felt like tornado weather) and the movie Twister (and about what would happen if a tornado touched down right then) to my wrist bands (BYU RB bands LOL) to how to bait and catch a porcupine to a song by Tenacious D and trying to figure out visually what a "mind blitz" might be like. HAHAH. And yeah, we got the crowd going, though they probably thought we were the craziest people. It got better when Mike and the other guy started singing the song "Wonder Boy" together. haha.

But the greatest part was this,

We're planning, with Andrea's help, to turn me Goth/emo. Yeah. I'm gonna wear make up, color my bands black, grow my hair a little bit, wear all black, take a high angled shot of myself, and post a depressing status on my facebook. Can't wait

Oh the things we come up with when we get rolling. haha.




And OH YEAH.

Special Olympics!
FUN!





btw....one last thing. I've been encouraged by four people now to start Twitter....interesante...I will consider it...

Double Deuce

You know, two of the most oddest, and yet, surprisingly satisfactory, times that catches you off guard is?

One. When you're walking or just doing your own thing and a stranger smiles at you and/or says "hi". I don't know why, but it cheers up my day sooOO quickly. The only problem is, when I say "hi" back I always feel like I sounded like a girl. I wanna be manly and say "hey", but it sounds kinda mean at the same time. So I end up saying "hi" in this totally girly way. ugh.

Two. When you catch someone staring at you, they flutter their eyes for a second, and glance away fast, obviously embarrassed and/or flustered. Like the other day I was in the library texting Mike excitedly about this awesome economic graph I drew up that calculated visually, what I can only call "date-nomics".

So ..here's the graph I drew up...you can't really see it that well. But if you know about an economic supply and demand curve this is pretty much the same with some minor changes. haha, yeah...spring term...lol


..

So...
....I have a new rule for things now. After a really, really bad day I'm going to sleep on it and wait until the next morning before I make a judgement call on whether it was really a bad day or not. Because sometimes, it isn't as bad the next morning. And I usually wake up happy.


That being said...yesterday wasn't that bad. I feel better now. However, it seemed at the time to be the climax of a really crappy week. Honestly, it wasn't really that bad when I count my blessings, but its been the worse week I've had in a really really long time. The other time I felt as bad as I did the other day was sophomore year of high school and those were bad days. I thought it would end, but it continually worsened and I haven't been like that in awhile.

Of course, certain events happened that really upset me and that just aggravated it.


ANYWAY.
two weird things happened the other day. I went over to Wyview just to shoot around a bit...and this guy sits down by a table near the court...starts eating his lunch, and just watches me. I felt...a little weird. He didn't say anything. I waved to him but we didn't really interact.
Then on the way home I was singing in the car...and this car started honking at me and the people inside were waving at me. I didn't think they were waving at me, but I drove by and they were looking and waving at me....I thought it might be someone I know, but when I saw them it wasn't anyone I recognized. Weird.
That's the third time something like that has happened. There was this one time when this guy started pointing at me, and I thought maybe he was motioning for me to go because it was green light, but it wasn't, and I never did figure out what he wanted. lol.

The campus continues to get smaller....
...I danced with a girl the other day that I realized was from my econ 110 class.
And just the other day, a girl I worked with last year moved into the ward. She started waving at me and I didn't recognize her at all, but apparently she recognized me so I started walking towards her...fortunately, the walk was long enough that by the time I reached her it finally dawned on me who she was. haha.

Same Song and Dance

So in talking with Breanne today I realized that, in a way, I've grown. At least in respect to what I look for in a girl. High school was just an eye candy fest, but having served a mission and being back for a year I think I've matured. I can see past physical beauty, or at least, I'm not as stuck on physical beauty as I was before. A "normal" looking girl could be the prettiest thing to me when I love her. I also see the need for brains beyond beauty as in, if I can't keep a conversation with you, its going to be a very long ride, and I would rather prefer brains to beauty (having come this conclusion through experience). So if I could choose between the average looking smart girl, or the amazingly gorgeous cutie, I would pick the average looking smart girl.


Anyway, because spring has toned me down, I've turned to other things that I usually do when I have more time, like reading, drawing, and dancing.

So I thought of someone, and began drawing....to realize that I've lost all of my drawing skills. Creativity may still be there....but everything else is, sadly, gone. =(

New Stuff

Hmmm...so I've learned a few lessons. If you like someone, you better tell them fast or you'll end up breaking their heart if nothing works out. The sooner you find out the better to save yourself the heart ache and not plunge in any deeper into something that's not going anywhere. Thinking that its better to let it go along. Especially when the other person thinks nothing of it. If you prolong, it hurts even more. See what happens when you do it early is then you have your heart ripped out. But at least then you can move on faster without holding on to any hope. You can truly move on and meet new people and meet someone who is better. And I would love to stay friends, but I realize from experience that, while on my part its all normal and run of the mill stuff, to you its heart breaking and I understand if you would rather delete me from your life. Then you can truly move on. And if I'm really a good friend, I would let you do it because I know its one way of getting over it.

I did it freshman year. Now that girl and I are friends again after like three years.

Better to have not known that person at all than to prolong the heart break and illusion. At least that's what I think. I hate hurting people, and it sucks to be done to. For the sake of both, maybe its better then to not have crossed paths at all. ugh.



In other news....

I got my hair cut. And I don't like it at all. Ugh!

Before

After









Ugh. I don't like it.







That's more like how I feel.

Revelation

You know the great thing about our Church? Not to brag or anything, but its the fact that we believe in personal revelation. Or any revelation for that matter. Revelation is sooOO critical in moving the work forward. I mean, in knowing what God wants for us revelation is key in helping us understand that.

There comes points in our lives where commandments of God seem to contradict each other. Take Nephi's dilemma for example. The Spirit told him to kill Laban for the plates. Now....isn't that totally against what he was taught? Hello. Don't kill people. Isn't that a major commandment?

I admire Nephi for the fact that he was so in tune with the Spirit that he knew it was the Spirit talking to him. For all anybody else knows it could have been the crazy thoughts of his own mind, but he was righteous enough to know it was not his voice but the Spirit's. Granted, it still took the Spirit three times telling Nephi before Nephi went ahead and did it.

But that's what I mean. What happens when we get to that point? We better believe and have faith in the power and reality of revelation.

So I think I'm finally settling into the casualness that is Spring Term. I was talking with Mike the other day and talking about how I felt like I had lost the purpose of why I stayed. And also why I'm here. Its so slow, and there's not much to do. I'm used to hustle and bustle. I'm used to meeting new people quickly.

However, I'm finally settling in a routine that I don't mind. Usually I hate routines, but this one I actually quite like.

And just when I thought I would like to sink back into my sometimes reclusive self and be anti-social, Elder Bednar comes out, blasts me, and makes me put a breaking halt on those plans and do a 180 turn. In that respect God has been blessing me as I've started to increase my stride in meeting new people (i'm not gonna lie, I LOVE my stake because there are many beautiful people in it. :) Maybe its time I settled down a bit? What a time to settle down when all prospects have dried up, and I've moved on with all old ones, but I'm always up for adventure).

My New Philosophy

I've realized something this past semester.

For this past year, I've been trying too hard to become what other people want me to be. Granted, its not always a bad thing. The people who love you genuinely care for you and want you to become a better person. Even they, sometimes though, forget that I am not they, and they are not me (yes, I totally butchered grammar there). I can't be them.

The result is there are moments when I've forgotten who I am. Not that I forgot that I'm a child of God, but that I've lost my identity of what makes me unique. Instead, I've tried to become more cool, more popular, more well-liked, more judgemental, less tolerating, and superior to others to please other people or to elevate myself.

I am me. There's no one else who can be me. I am genuinely nice. That's who I am. Sometimes I am too nice. But that's me again. i don't know why I'm that way. And sometimes people don't like it for whatever reason.

Besides, in emulating the Savior, nothing else quite matters as much.

Having said that, I can't go overbooard and force someone to love me for who I am. I can ask that they accept me for who I am, but nothing further than that. And that's ok.

However, I'm still trying to get better at being a good person. I just don't want to be turning away people simply because they aren't cool enough or because they don't fit my clique.

And that's my new philosophy. :)

Poetical

So...in glancing back at my poetical endeavors of high school and college, I've realized something. They are not all that great. And that's putting it lightly. And I have over 100 of them. So 100 really not so great poems....

...they sort of got better freshman year of college, but not by much.

I think the ones I write now are far superior to anything I've done before. Yet at the same time I hesitate to talk about their quality because in a few more years I may look back and say the same thing again.

Interpretation

This song is optimistic. Love it. Love the artist.

Life is like Basketball

So the following post will be heavily basketball oriented and is relatively useless. I love basketball. I wish I could say it was my life, but its not. Haha. Nevertheless, besides God, family, and music, basketball has always been there for me. In a way. I've said that if basketball were a girl I'd have no problems marrying her. But then, Bre reminds me that she'd be taller than me. No problem if she doesn't care. Haha. Of course, that's a foolish notion, but the passion and devotion is something I would love to give to one girl. But anyway, this is getting weird...back to the original thought.

My original thought was this. I love how I get to points where I feel like I've reached the epitome of my basketball skills. Like I think, "this is it. I can't be faster, stronger, or quicker. And of course, I can't get any taller. :P" . But as I've grown (uh..age wise, haha) I always surprise myself by how far I've still progressed and still can progress. Compared to just three years ago I'm quicker, faster, better conditioned, and stronger. Perhaps more than that, I'm smarter. Even with this ankle injury that still refuses to heal I feel like my game is better than ever. I'm excited to tell you the truth. I wonder where I'll be in three years. My mom warns me that if I want to teach my sons basketball I better take care of my ankle. And Mike reminds me that age will catch up to me sooner or later. Maybe later since my dad was still pretty good at 48. If nothing else, my face will catch up later. LOL.

But equating that to life and, especially, the Gospel, its amazing how much we can grow and continue to grow. I love it! Nowhere did this become more apparent than on my mission. There were times when I honestly thought "how much more is there to life and the Gospel?" and after awhile, after what feels likes a spiritual plateau, God blesses me and I rocket off again. Life is good. +)



Side note: Add another one to the friend's list who has left Utah. AH!~ Everyone's dropping like flies! Its like Boston playing without Kevin Garnett. The Big Three is still strong, but without Luke, we're hurting bad! Losing Bre and Katie is like losing players to injury. Given enough time they will come back fully ready to go. :P

Sui Generis

Mm-hmm...I'm falling in love with Liberty Square more and more every week. They're my kinda crowd. Plus, Bre encourages it so we can live closer. yay.


My favorite text messages from some of my favorite people.
Ones that made me go "awww....thanks" or chuckle a bit to myself.

Euseung
- Hahaha! Chao i love you kid!

Ash
- You'd better! My kids need an Uncle Steven!
haha.

Asia
(at a dance)
- I see you.
hahah.

- The non blonde beauties at byu huh? I'm offended. Ha ha jk I read the article with you in it and i was like hey! I know him!
hehe.

Bre
- You're a dweeb. see you at two.

(right after I texted "i love you :)" to Bre)
- Um...i love you too.
HAHAHAHA. You sound very sure Bre.


Dezzy
- its because we dont know what we want..and we look for it in the wrong places and end up discovering that who we needed has always been right in front of us. :)
true that Dez.

Katie
(right after I suggested she skip work and school to come down to cali with me)
- Deal lets do it
(even though I was half joking and was already in st. george. lol)

Lauren
- Ive awoken
hahahahaha. I don't know why, but this one made me bust out laughing.

- Hannah montana movie comes out tmrw
I was estatic (sp.?)

- you suck
LOL.

Luke
- Good morning, beautiful. How was your nite?
hehehe...that's such a funny text.

- Don't get any foolish ideas that magic will solve all your problems. Cus it won't.

- Oh brother where art thou?

- Daja jau

- Wally wanga

- I love you. :)

Mike
My 1st text from Mike saved in my phone
- Love you.

The 2nd text from Mike that is saved in my phone
- Damn you steve!
Hahaha, wow...what happened between the first and second texts? lol

- I love you. :)

- Yeah. all i can say is 'good luck' in my best albanien thug accent.

- Don't leave me!
LOL

Mom

- Oh, my! I am evil! :P
so you finally admit it mom!

Liz

- that sounds like something you would do. Im bored. I was going to sneak up on you in the library but you werent here.
LOL, good to know that i always should have my guard up.

Me: Why are you sad? You should be happy. I'm happy. :P
Liz: Sad because I wont be with you.
ew. Mushiness....haha.

+ the half dozen texts she texted me in stats review while my phone was on full volume....
they were something along the lines of "I see you. Can you help me with stats? Are you there? Why aren't you answering? I'm going to keep texting you while your phone is on full volume to get you in trouble". OK. maybe not that last one.

Random Person

Me: Hey, its steven!
Person: Steven who?
Me: Steven chao!
Other person: huh?
Me: You just gave me your number on facebook!
Other person: oh I think you have wrong eprson. Maybe. I'm sorry. i don't have a facebook page. He or she might have mis-typed.
Me: Oops. I just double checked. I have the wrong number. I'm off by a digit.
Other person: No worries!!!
hahahahaha.