Facebook and New YEars

Ah, the wonders of facebook. A few weeks back I was at the Asian Ward Christmas party, the "razzle dazzle". I introduced myself to this guy by saying, "Hey, I'm steven", to which the guy replied, "yes, I know, I've stalked your facebook". To which I was like "0_0 ..... kewl...."

And that's not the first time it's happened. So to facebook, thank you. Thank you for allowing people to know me before they meet me. It allows everyone to become mini-celebrities. lol.

On obedience

- sometimes people ask me how i cope at byu with all the rules. sometimes, people ask me that in general with mormonism. They say we have too many rules. I just say "it's liberating. makes life more fun." they are usually perplexed by this to which I reply "have you ever played a basketball game without rules?" Usually, they get the point then. You get the most done, and you get the most fun when you're obedient as much as you can. It never crossed my mind that it holds true after the mission as well. So here's to some new New Years' resolutions.

What is Beautiful is Good

There's this phenomenon in social psychology called something like "What is beautiful is good". Basically, humans have a tendency to believe that a beautiful person automatically equates to goodness, niceness, and sweetness without actually knowing the person. Something like "oh, she's not the kind of girl to do something like that!" when we don't even know the person that well.

I admit that I fall for that real easily. Add to that the fact that I'm naive when it comes to figuring out people's dispositions, the fact that I always see the good in people and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and the fact that the gift of discernment has always been my weak point and you just get the worst sucker this side of the hemisphere.

However, from my own personal experience, it's ironic that often times the prettiest girls have also been the nicest to me, and the less attractive are actually the ones that are complete jerks and who act very rude. I don't know what it is. Maybe cause I try to date them? I don't know.

The Usual Suspects

It's been a difficult semester. My social life has taken a hit due to my laziness and anti-social-ness. I haven't been on a date in over two months, but I just feel reluctant to get back in the groove. But in the end, the truth is that I really have no options right now and I haven't done anything to increase it. Before it just felt like these things came to me, but I have to work for them now and I got lazy. XD

The classes I thought were easy have suddenly piled on at the end and I've been studying nearly non stop for the last two days (not including today) and yet, I still feel vastly unprepared. Usually I don't doubt my own abilities especially when I've studied so hard, but I just don't feel it this time. Too much energy is just gone. It's been good that I've had some support over the last few days, Miranda and Jaymie (who are awesome) on Monday. I studied for about 8 hours total with them. Then yesterday Ha and Brian held me out. Ha was really helpful in teaching me stuff I needed for work, and Brian was awesome in just keeping me company. We even tried studying at Denny's. Aside from the loud teenage kids that happened to be there too (school night too, what were they doing there?), it was actually fun. Brian tried to pick up a girl at the library...whom we later saw at Denny's with a guy. AHA. awkward?

Then today, LightsArmy pulled through. They are all so supportive and nice, even as the drama unfolds somewhat over in Toronto. Most of them are going through finals too so they've been understanding....if not entirely distracting.

Then I got to thinking about next semester and how it will kill me. I'll be even busier than before and I don't know if I'll have the energy to pull through it. I will though that's for sure. It just feels like I'm climbing a cliff now (Finals) to face a bigger mountain soon (next semester). It feels almost insurmountable and overwhelming. I'm already making a mental checklist of things that I will have to do in order to make it. For example, I HAVE to make an effort to be more social. I think it has some sort of impact on my grades.

Even as I think about this, a familiar tune starts playing on my iTunes, almost like an old friend who has been there for me. "Drive my Soul". I guess that's another reason why I love LIGHTS so much. Her songs tell me things I need to hear without me having to explain myself to anyone or without me needing to ask.

Let's do it to it!

Cactus in the Valley

Last night I went to the Asian Ward Christmas "Razzle Dazzle". And I went alone. It was the first time in a long time that I had gone alone to a social event. I only go alone to stuff when I know people at the social event haven't known each other yet. But I decided to go. And it was actually really fun. I met a missionary who served in Provo during my time whom I had never met yet. That brought back some mission memories. When I woke up this morning I had the strong yearning to want to serve another mission because of the inherent challenge. Serving another mission would be hard, but that was what made it so appealing. The challenge. The push, the progress to become better. I haven't felt a challenge like that in a long time. But I suppose there is a time and season for everything and right now my challenge, time, and season is post-mish life.

However, I do realize that next semester may be the most challenging in a long time. Not only will I have the heavy classes of C S 142 and chinese 201 (whose workload is twice as much as chinese 102) on top of senior level sociology classes, but I will be taking morning shifts at work. In addition I will most likely be job shadowing pharmacists. I also want an internship (though the likelihood of that winter semester is a lot less likely). This leaves my social life contained to home teaching and church. haha. But I'm actually kinda looking forward to it. :D

btw, the kitteh is random. LOL

People I Meet Randomly

I have, I would say, a knack for meeting random people. For example, take Asia. How did I meet her? Randomly at the wilk terrace. She was reading a book when I first noticed her. I went to talk to some missionaries and when I came back she was talking to a friend of mine (who in turn I had just met a few days prior). I assume that he was trying to pick her up, but what happened instead was that Asia and I clicked, we ended up chatting, exchanged phone numbers, and the rest is history. Asia is also the person who single-handedly got me to get texting, then single handedly forced me to get unlimited texting. lol. The funny thing is, I never talked to that dude again, but Asia and I remain friends to this day. To that I say, thank you random breakdancing dude. (though no thanks when I was talking to Asia about books he said, "I bet a lot of guys try to pick you up by asking you what you're reading huh?").

Case Number 2. A friend and I went to a Japanese club thingy together. I met Addie on the way to the Japanese event. Somehow, one way or other, Addie and I became pretty good friends while the original friend I went with never really talk anymore. Go figure.

Now this leads me to what happened today. A while ago, a girl added me on facebook. I had no idea who she was. She had no pictures, but we had a lot of mutual friends. I couldn't recall who she was, and since we had a lot of mutual friends I thought I must have met her one way or other. We started chatting a lot on facebook, and just today, she asked me for a ride to wal-mart. So i was wondering if she knew who I was. Apparently, she knew that I didn't know who she was. Anyway, I finally met this girl today. Mystery lady solved.

Sad to say, I don't think we clicked....and I mean, given the circumstances in which we met its understandable.

I look forward to making random friends.

BTW, the picture doesn't have anything to do with anything. I just thought it was kewl. :D

social psych

i'm thinking about starting a new blog on all the kewl, crazy, and fascinating things I learn in sociology, psychology, and social psychology. Why not do it here you ask? Cuz I'd want it away from my more private and personal thoughts. Something that I'm not afraid of or will regret posting the link to in other places.

of course, my worry is that eventually I'll lose interest and would have 2 blogs for no reason at all. ..

Its not you, its me. For realz.

i went to the bookstore today. And unexpectedly, I saw a girl there that I took out on a date a year ago. She had dyed her hair and was wearing glasses. I looked at her for a moment to see if she recognized me. She didn't seem to, so I spent the next few minutes pretending to browse through books awkwardly while she put some books on the shelf. I went home and looked her up on facebook. Yep, we were still friends. I don't know why.

See. She was very interested. I wasn't. It wasn't anything that was wrong. The timing was just off. But I will always feel bad for the way I say "no". By just letting it fade away. I'm just that kind of person. Girls have done that to me, and I hate it, but I understand, because I do it all the time. "What happened to so and so?" "Oh. Well. I don't know...she just kinda....uh...we just stopped talking?"

and that's how it always happens. we just stop talking. And sometimes it ends badly or awkwardly. The pile continues to grow. Yeah sure a lot of my friends are girls, but at least all my enemies are too.

And now i'm starting to realize something. if it happens once, yeah, that stuff happens. twice, bad luck. three times, bad streak. four times or more? Its not them, its you buddy (same with the mission). in other words, its not any of the girls' faults. its mine. And i can't get over myself. ugh. I guess something's just holding me back from giving it my all. I don't know. Maybe I need to make it a goal. Those always help.

Charity Never Faileth

A girl went onto the podium this past sunday during fast and testimony meeting and shared a heartfelt message about God understanding who you are and being there. She said over the last few months she began building an overwhelming sense of loneliness. She said to herself, "who am I kidding? I don't have a relationship with any of these people!" regarding her friends. She was crying the whole time, and it actually shocked me. She always came off as a popular, energetic, spiritual, and outgoing person. I could not have tell that she was dealing with this. It saddened me. I don't know her very well. I went on one date with her (the only girl I ever dated from Asian Ward besides another girl who seems to be considering moving into the ward) and I felt like we connected really well. We would always say "hi" to each other.

But then this semester she stopped saying hi. So I just assumed it was awkward or something. Truth be told, I thought she just didn't care to say hi anymore so I responded likewise. As she was bearing her testimony I felt so foolish to have judged her that way.

Do we ever assume that someone doesn't need our help? Do we assume someone is doing fine? I heard someone say that if we always assume someone needs healing we will be right 50% of the time. In getting caught up in my own self I forgot to look our for others. In judging others I didn't realize they were dealing with their own hurts.

"There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere." - President Monson, Charity Never Faileth

The Purging is Complete

"If I have not talked to you for a few weeks or months, if I don't think either one of us will say hi to each other if we saw each other on the streets, if I added you first, and if you are not an Office character, I will be defriending you from facebook. I think that's reasonable." - facebook status

This is my second purging, but this one is significantly larger. The first time I did I only deleted 32 people. This time I intend to do a real purging. It took my 3 years to get to 1000 friends.

Several things came together to help me do this. A) i really didn't know that many people on facebook actually and the more I thought about it the more ridiculous it became. B) I'm a packrat. I keep so many things "just in case" or for memories. I was the same with people. I hate defriending people. even people I hadn't seen for years. I was scared of the possibility of running into them "just in case". C) I kept people mostly for networking purposes. I liked the fact that I had a network of people extending everywhere in most states and many countries. I always thought that at some future time I could call on them for help. But then I became aware that if I didn't have any relationship with these people the possibility of doing that was probably slim. D) More people stay updated on my facebook status than I thought, so everytime I thought about deleting someone I never knew if they were actually following me on facebook. E) Let's face it. Seeing 1227 people on your facebook friends gives you sense of pride, even if it doesn't mean anything (even right now I miss that feeling haha). But I realized that that number didn't have any bearing on who I felt I was. "Being popular is not cool" - Lights yesterday. So. BAM!

The way I determined to keep someone

1) Have I seen you recently? No? Out, unless

2) if we saw each other would we say hi?

3) Do we have history together? I did not delete any people from R3, nor older friends from longer ago. Mission was also something else.

4) Were you married? If you were, you were harder hit.

5) Did I add you first? If I did I had no qualms about defriending you. But if you added me, for some reason, I feel obligated to keep you.

6) Were you a girl I used to crush on? BAM. You're gone. Held on to you too long.

As I started defriending people I actually started becoming obsessed with deleting as many people as I could. I started defriending at a faster and more ferocious pace and soon, even if we hadn't talked for just a short while, I was defriending you.

Still I feel I was a little too lenient on some people. I might go back for a second round sweep. What surprised was how easy it was once I started (though again. looking at my somewhat decimated friends' list dismayed me a bit I will admit). There was one girl who I looked at our mutual contacts and just completely obliterated that link. I deleted her and EVERY mutual friend. I was also surprised by people I could not recall AT ALL where I had met them or even recognize their faces. WEird. Those went fast. But at least no more "i know that person from somewhere....facebook..."

What surprised me even more though was how many people I could actually say I know, and are friends with. I went in hoping to reduce my friends' list to around 300, but it wasn't like that at all.

Done with the first round. Took me over an hour. Sheesh. But in total, 249 are gone with more to come.

Update

I decided that I'd do a regular blog this time instead of thoughts and ponderings. Ya know, just a sorta update on what's going on. So...several things.

I'm still addicted to zombies. I found that out when I watched "The Walking Dead" on AMC. really good series. At least really good first episode. I like zombies. Reminds me...I should update my Zombie Evacuation Plan.

My sister's birthday is coming up. I got her the pocket watch she wanted. I got her the last one. Booyah. check it Yep. last one. none left? That's right. :) Cost a pretty penny that's for sure. Speaking of zombies, and amazon, and expensive, Lights current obsession is Yetis. In fact, the name of her current tour is the "Are we There Yeti?" tour. Weird. And she bought these. Dork.

on the sporting front, the Lakers are pretty much owning the season. Granted, we are four games in. Today we play the Kings. That's Mike's team. And when this happens, a lot of trash talking goes on. Examine the following:

Mike: I just hope you blow them out. Then you'll come into sactown relaxed

Me: Haha. Don't you want us to play hard and be exhausted?

Mike: That doesn't happen to nba players this early in the season. I want you lazy. and I want to beat you at full strength.

Me: Yeah. You've made a classic laker opponent mistkae. That is. Thinking you cannbeat us at full strength. :)

Mike: ' [Your] arrogance is an offense to people who think.' - Bill Walton

Me: The truth will set you free. - Jesus. :)

Me: I guess you got your wish. We were leading 73 to 46 at the half...

Mike: Then prepare to be defeated in shocking fashion by the upstart kings. It will be a sign of things to come in april...

Me: Haha. Ok. I'm excited for our fifth win tonight

Mike: I'm excited to see your face after tyreke's game winner. :)

Me: Just to let you know, we've won the last two games by 21.5 points. :)

Mike: Just to let you know, we've won our last two games. I don't know when the last time i could say that was :)

Also. Mike's name in my phone is Tyreke Evans, the best player on the Kings. Doubly offensive to me. I'm just saying, his players better get ankle insurance.

And the last thing. I was in the library from 4 pm to 11:30 pm ...reading 30 pages of stupid textbook stuff. Why? Because my friends kept distracting me. Its all good. It was fun. It was the most entertaining 7 1/2 hours of studying in the library I've ever had. reminded me of freshman year. ... haha

Superficial

This has been something on my mind for awhile. If someone becomes famous, and they meet someone who likes them initially only for their popularity, but later actually falls in love with them, is it so wrong then that that person only liked the famous person for their fame initially? I mean, if that famous wasn't famous in the first place they might not have fallen in love at all.

And if is wrong, then is it wrong to like someone for their looks initially, and then later actually falling in love with them? If that person wasn't so beautiful in the first place, then they might have not gotten to know how beautiful each other was on the inside.

And maybe some famous people are only stuck up because they're sick of all the people who just want to be friends with them because they're famous, who are the same people who wouldn't have given them the time of day back in high school or college. Have we ever thought of that?

New Best Week Ever??

Well, it could have been. Next week I mean. Janine's Birthday party (that will be interesting in the least haha). Halloween and what could potentially go down that weekend. As of right now I'm not planning on doing anything. Its hard for me to find the motivation to be social these days. Aside from hanging out with friends an sporadic dates its hard to find people who have the same interests as me these days without looking at freshman and let me tell you, the freshman world is a different place my friend.

Then there's the start of the NBA Season. An occasion that I think should be celebrated as a holiday with us having no school. Yeah? Well. I only have one class that day so its basically like I have a day off (though I could skip class and it could really be a day off. :D ). But I am very excited. Too bad Euseung's gonna be in Korea so we can't have an opening day celebration. darn it.

And then there's.... Lights. The L.A. El Rey show is next Tuesday. Unfortunately, running down there for a concert and coming back up makes no sense logically, academically, economically, financially, and so on and so on. The only way it makes sense is fantastically. Yeah, it would be super awesomnically. I actually considered going down and running back up. Its so VERY tempting when you don't have a social life and all you have is basically... school. It would be a crazy adventure.

After talking with other LightsArmy kids and trying to organize somewhat of an L.A. meet up its been so kewl to talk to people and connect with them. They are such awesome people. The L.A. LightsArmy is now 23+ strong and still growing and it honestly kills that I won't be able to meet these people that I've befriended. Its really a neat experience to try and organize a group of random strangers together to meet, plan, and attend something together.

It was even fun to talk to Lights' sister on chat. She is SO COOL. Not to mention, the possible opportunity to hang out with Lights after the show is like seeing a good friend you had not seen in years (but multiplied by 23 because of the other 23 kids there).

Sometimes, my patience is near breaking point and I always wonder when it will break. Hopefully life gets better. Hopefully next week is great.

WALLPAPER MANIA! PART DEUCE!

WALLPAPER MANIA!

Some of my favorite wallpapers. I will post more later.

W.I.H.L.O.D.

What I have Learned on Dates

I don't know if I've mentioned this before or not, but I was talking with a friend about dating and stuff. She said she has never been on a date before (even though she had a boyfriend) and doesn't seem to make a big deal out of it. I don't think it has to be a big deal, but I told her that one of the biggest things I get out of a date is what I learn from the other person. I usually don't ask out a person on a date unless I realize there's something else there besides physical attraction or if there's something I can learn from the other person.

That's right, I'm a leech. I suck the good out of people, apply it to myself, and then toss the carcass away. OK, that's not really a leech...more like some weird monster from a movie. And yeah, that sounds weird. But really, I look for the good each person can bring that I may not have and try to learn new things because everyone is from different places. i believe everyone has some good quality to bring to the table. I then capitalize on the good and try to make it a part of me. I guess in a way it does sound selfish, haha. But this may be reason why I have a feminine side to me.

For example, I am not much of a family person I admit. I LOVE my family. I am VERY grateful and thankful for them. Without them I would not be here. However, I don't get homesick. I don't feel the need to be in weekly contact with them (though if I feel prompted to I will always try and be in touch). I'm not a touchy person. Until recently, "I love you" was simply not in my diction. However, I was hanging out with someone once (I don't know if it could be counted as a date), and we were discussing our greatest fears. I said mine was h

eights, getting jumped, getting attacked, getting beat up, being outnumbered in a fight, and stuff like that. Her first one was spiders, but then she said something that impacted me. She said she was most afraid of being away from her family in a catastrophe. You know something is important to someone when they mention it in casual conversation like that. It was just something that never crossed my mind. It really has changed the way I interact and feel about my family and even my future family.

I've learned how to ask questions, how to interact and be genuinely interested in people, how to put more effort into school work, how to be more organized (I started using a planner more frequently after seeing her organization), how to be relaxed.

I've also learned where my actual interests lay, to be a stronger person in integrity and living example of Christ, how to say "no" (haha), how to be a better listener, to be positive and proactive, how to be more sensitive, to appreciate classical music, and etc.

All dates are not equal, but all daters have stuff to learn from and appreciate. How else will I learn about Conneticut or Massachusetts without going there?? Yes, books. That's the answer, but you know what I mean.

So yes, dating is fun. Its the opportunity to learn, to understand someone else, and, for me, to develop.

Rehash, Best of

Continuing with rehashing some old posts because I don't have much to write about...

Best Photos 2009-2010! yay.