been awhile

anndddddd too many things have happened. I feel like this is where i can find solace. jhaha

Cactus for a Friend

I never meant to hurt you,
It never was my plan,
Don’t think I would desert you
If this was in my hands
But sometimes life throws things at us that we cannot foresee
And that is what has happened here now between you and me
But I hope that you will understand
there’s a place where we can still be friends
if by chance our paths do cross again
We will see some friendships never end.


So if we ever happen
To start to grow apart
And distance becomes more than
Just physically far
If we grow up and find ourselves changing from where we are,
then maybe we can go our ways and mutually depart
But I hope that we can understand
There’s a place where we can still be friends,
And if by chance life helps our paths to cross again
You will see some friendships never change.

So wipe the mark of sadness from my face,
show me that your love will never change.
And if my yesterday is a disgrace
tell me that you still recall my name

you be me

Written for a dear friend of mine,. *sigh*

Please just hear lend me your ear
How in the world did we end up here?
It’s been 4 months much less a year
But it feels like more
with the sweat and tears
Used to be we were close and near
What’s this growing distance I fear?
I wish all our problems were laid and clear
But I guess life is more like broken mirrors dear
I don’t know what goes on inside your head
Even more confused after the things you’ve said,
I won’t guess, cuz all that stress from guessing
Would leave me tired and brain dead
It doesn’t mean I haven’t tried
But I won’t lie when I say I
Have no idea how or why
We see some things from such different eyes.
Apparently the way we see has led to all this hostility
And I know most of the problem lies with me
Maybe this was never meant to be.
Never meant to be…
Never meant to be free and easy,
webs are concrete til the wind starts to get breezy.

it wasn't until i read my journal today did I realize that I owe a ton to LightsArmy.

I think we forget that the advice to "forget yourself and go to work" applies to something outside the mission. When you're down, get to work. Whether this means exercise, job, school, or service, get to work. Forget about yourself. The world is too big. i'm not saying forget about your feelings, bury them deep inside, and make yoursel resentful. There is a time and place to confide those feelings in God and others. But we must not be too careless that we become ungrateful.

That's what I need to do. Get back to work. LightsArmy has been great. But it might be a little too much for me to handle right now.

Spring Term

So. My parents came up, got my brother and sister, and have returned home now. I never realized how much I enjoy their company. I woke up this morning to an empty house and it was then I realized how much I do love them. Even though they may be crazy sometimes I miss them now and I wish I could have been a better older brother. I could have done so much more.

Spring term is gonna be really different now. For the first time I will not have any roommates or people I live with. i thought I'd be ok but I realized that with all the recent turmoil this might be harder than I thought.

Anyway, I'm changing my diet for Spring. No more fast food (at least, no more than once a week), no more soda, and cutting back on sweets. Gonna beef up on vegetables (haha interesting juxtaposition there), fruits, and fiber. I don't know how much time I'd have to exercise but I want to eat healthier and cut back on all the fat that I've gathered this past year.

Elusive

i'm starting to realize how elusive friendship can be. or maybe it's not that. Maybe it's like what Lights said, that "seems like the more you grow the more time you spend alone, and before you know it you end up perfectly alone". It's been a long time since I've had to listen to "Face Up". Life is hard.

Letter

Sometimes I wish you never left. Or at least told us completely what the reason was for why you abandoned us. And that's what it felt like. And it hurt even more to not know how to stop you from doing it. It was, in all honesty, utterly the most selfish thing you could have done, yet having been in your position I also completely understand that I don't completely understand, and that at a certain point you just don't want to care anymore.

It's weird that you were the one person that I could talk to. More understanding than Mel, more in tune than Hannah, and even more so than Brianne at this moment. Especially at this moment. And these are the nights I miss you the most, when one feels like an island amidst friends and you just want to talk.

You're always in my thoughts and prayers. Wherever you are now I hope God is watching you because I no longer can't.

Sum of All Achievements

i think it's kinda funny that the entirety of human technology and achievement has come down to this; that quite simply, we have mastered the ability to exterminate ourselves. Congratulations humanity!

I can imagine a symposium of all mother nature's animals gathering together to talk about their latest achievements. Some animals will have extreme speed, power, agility. There will be kewl inventors like African termites who are master constructors and who have created air conditioning. There will be gross animals like finches who are designed to dive bomb other birds til they vomit so the finches can eat the vomit up. Then humanity, the darling of mother nature, will be asked, "so, what are your latest accomplishments.

The human will get up and say, "get this. We can exterminate ourselves!"
Then the following responses:

Lion: D:
Penguin: D:
Rhino: D:
gross finches: D:

Mother Nature: Um, congratulations humanity. You've uh...you've been working on that for quite a while.

Human being: Yep.

Mother Nature: is that it?

Human Being: Uh. Yeah. It's the entire sum of our achievements. It's what we've been aiming for.

Human smiles proudly.

"Good for you," Mother Nature says as she slowly turns to another animal, a clear look of horrid, shock, and concern on her face gasping at the thought that for all the hard work she did and humanity themselves did, that this was what they had come up with.

Self-Reflection

So. Things have been quiet relatively. Nothing much going on here. I don't know what to say these days anymore. Besides, now I have FOUR blogs. YES. Count that! That's not even including my xanga and ign video game blogs. Gah. Man i do love to write sometimes don't I? :)

I'm also realizing that I have trouble letting people get close to me. As soon as someone gets too close I tend to push them away. i don't know why that is. MAYBE, it's people like Allena who completely blindsided me with what she did. But. That's over. And now I gotta deal with Brianne. And myself.

I've been in a self-reflecting mood lately, trying to understand myself better, and I know that that involves God at some point or other. As mentioned previous, what really motivates me? Why am I afraid of getting close to people? Am I actually a hard person to get along with? Where did I come from and where am I going? Jay kay on that last one.

Confessions

So I admit that I'm not the hardest worker neither am I the fastest, most focused, or most motivated. In fact, I'm just pretty average. A lot of times my motivation flags and I'm dead in the water. This makes me more admire people like Kobe Bryant who seems to be motivated no matter what. Even when they've already achieved the height of their profession not once, but five times! And this guy is STILL motivated. Inspirational.I just need to find what my motivation is. Is it to be the very best like no one ever was? A lot of times it is, but then...what do I want to be the best at? Everything? Is that even possible? Is it to leave a legacy of enduring, pushing forward, and persevering against all odds? Sometimes, but that itself is sometimes depressing. Is it to be a good friend, the best person, and loyal person? I don't know. Whatever it is, I need to find it. Some soul searching is in need. I certainly know what Charlie Sheen's is.

Sometimes when I miss class, people attribute it to my lack of care, carefulness, or lazinesss. Sometimes it's true. But sometimes it's false (really, there's only true and false here people). What do I mean? for example, today I was late to Chinese class. Why? Not because i didn't care (ok, maybe a bit of that), but because I was talking to a friend who was talking to me about her thoughts on death and her life. Tell me which is a more serious issue to address at 12 on tuesday. Going to class? or helping someone with depression? And really, a lot of times that's what it was. I was late to the korean Festival last Saturday because a friend was telling me about her life and the struggles she was going through. Call me lazy, but I also understand that sometimes, improving someone's life is not about doing the grandiose things, but just being someone who listens. Really.

Tipping Point

I have no social life. This is the bottom of the ditch.

I thought about it last week. When do I talk to people? School, work, and Church (including church related activities like home teaching). That's it. Well, there's basketball. i play every week with the same group of people. But I never hang out with them outside of basketball.

I go to school, then work, then come home and surf the internet/do homework (cuz they're the same thing right?). On Sundays I go to Church and say "hi" to people i don't see for the next 6 days. When was the last time I did something FUN? or even social? Asides from going out to eat with my brothers and sisters... the last thing I can remember doing for fun maybe two months ago. Maybe that's why my motivation's gone.

Is it weird, or any wonder, that more than half of my closest friends now consist of LightsArmy members and the only people that like me are teenage LightsArmy girls?

So I'm gonna resolve to reinvigorate one of my New Year's Resolutions, to accept, whenever possible, any invites to do anything with anyone. I need to go out of my way to say hi to people and meet people. I need to start dating again. Seriously, with Finals fast approaching and taking extra work hours now, I need SOMETHING to keep me afloat or else I will burn out. Life is more than school and work right? Or am I just getting lazy these days? -__-;

motivation

For some reason... I've had no motivation to do anything this semester. It's like i'm a buoy, floating lifeless in the water. So..what is wrong with me? I don't know. I know what I'm doing and what I want to do AND I'm doing it, but for whatever reason, I'm just going through the motions. I don't know.

In other news, I'm tutoring LightsArmy kids. LOL

in Light of recent events

...cherish everyone around you. You never know when someone is fighting a hidden battle. Sometimes, when you see it openly it's already too late.

We are Rockets in the Sky

As I write this I just finished playing basketball and I am supposed to be getting ready to go home teaching which is in an hour. And even more so, since I doubt I'm going to get anything to eat at home teaching, and since I haven't eaten all day, I should be eating. But I can't. No, I'm not anorexic. I just lost my appetite. And everything else suddenly doesn't matter.

The curse of being a good listener and a trustworthy person is that people entrust you with their secrets and things they don't tell anyone else. Sure, being a keeper of secrets has it's thrilling parts that comes inherent with secrecy, but there also come agonizing moments when you are torn with what to do when given a secret. This is one of those moments.

Why are friendships so temporary? Why do they not last very long? How can one person hurt you so badly in a way nothing and no one else can? I guess it's because they become such a big part of your life and caring for someone requires sacrificing something that is such an integral part of you. You sacrifice sovereignty and part of your freedom. So when someone that has been a part of your life suddenly leaves, and furthermore, not only disrupts your future but changes your past memories, it cuts. Deep.

And when that someone leaves on relatively good grounds you're left with the bitterness of mystery and the unknown. You question everything and it tears your basic foundations.

So I sit here. And think. And remember that this is both the curse of being a keeper of secrets and for loving/caring for people in general. The hardest part is keeping it to yourself.

But it's ok. We'll survive right? Sometimes, we are just rockets in the sky. forget me, go your own way. It's been a long time since I've felt like this and it's easy to just close yourself up. But things will always be all right. It's been good.

Between Two Worlds

Last Friday I did my traditional (or soon to be traditional) thing I do every two Friday nights. I hung out and played with the VGAME club. Truth be told, it was like going back to 4th grade again and playing Goldeneye with my friends. What does that mean? I just mean that it's been so long since I've played video games with a group of friends (Mike and Luke aside). It was 4 friggin hours of gaming bliss. But at the end of the night, as we were waiting for the President to wrap up the gaming session, the club members were talking about, what else?, GAMES. And I found myself not understanding half the jargon being said. 3/5's (yes, I used an obscure fraction) of the way through this conversation I realized something; am I still considered a gamer? Had I slowly, but surely, lost connection with the gaming mainstream? Granted, I chipped in here and there and felt good about myself, but I realized I had was lost for a large portion of the conversation.

My gaming tendencies still tend to leave me as a gamer when viewed by the general student body (ESPECIALLY at BYU I would say), but after reading Audrey's blog, realizing that no gaming websites are in my top 8 most viewed sites (3 of them are blogs for goodness' sake!), and that most of LightsArmy coming up are gamers (this includes the majority of every teenage girl on LightsArmy, yes I realized I used "majority" followed by "every") I recognized that it's just not as integral a part of me as it used to be, and that I'm neither gamer nor non-gamer (a casual gamer almost!)

The reason why this happened is probably because I'm at BYU where I've been so streamlined into the focus of dating that I've just become this one-dimensional cookie-cutter male student at BYU (and I'm not saying dating isn't a bad thing to focus on). I've kinda become what they want me to become. I guess the real question is then, do I mind? No. Not at all actually. There are attributes that I've developed that I feel are useful to life and this next stage to my life might just be a natural evolution of me. There are some aspects of gaming that I'd rather not return to too.

However, I would like to re-explore my roots though and have more of a balance to my life. A little gaming never hurt anyone.

When Circles Collide

Oh no. Don't tell me that another round of engagements is happening... Wow. It's crazy. That's about three now (Dezzy just got engaged o_o). This might sound mean, but there were two people that I was wondering when they would get married. Euseung Park, my mission trainer, and Desiree Gahr, my good friend from back home. And now knowing they're both gonna be married?? Mind = blown. Am i getting that old? How many real life single friends will I have left?? AH!~ Ugh. When I go back to my single's ward I will have no one to hang out with. AH!

But that's now what I want to address today. I just wanted to say quickly, I'm always so distraught over those moments when you show up at a social gathering and you have different sets of friends wanting you to hang out with them. Who do you hang out with? The first answer is "all of them", and it's usually not too difficult when your friendship with some groups of friends are closer than others. But WHAT if you're equal closeness with all of them? And when you hang with one group you feel like you're betraying another. GAh. Then you wonder if you've somehow lessened the importance of your friendship, but you don't want to ask. When different circles of friends collide it's always kinda stressful for me.

I guess that's why I dislike birthday parties. Ugh.

Darn You Lights

Darn you Lights you did it again. Many times when I have a major reflection her song is somehow in the background. Perhaps it's destiny that Lights' music would illuminate these times in my life. Perhaps it's because God wills it that way. Perhaps it's because I listen to her so darn much. Darn you Lights.

What exactly happened? Well, one of my best friends called me and told me he just got engaged. SWEET! Especially since I played a part in bringing them together. Ka-Ching. Pretty kewl huh? Impressed? Yeah, thought so. My match-making skills are just that impressive. (though an argument could be made that Starcraft did it's part too. Ya know. since it brought Luke and I together. What? Don't judge, one of your bf's came from WoW. YEah. That's right. What now?).

I told my friend that this new fact would only hit me a little later as most big, life-altering things do. But as we ended the call and I hung up a familiar tune played itself out. Oh no? Oh yes. It was Lights' "Last Thing on Your Mind" and it hit me like the feeling when you realize you just forgot to take a midterm last week or, since maybe that doesn't apply to many people but me, the like the feeling of realization that you just moved into a new place away from other people. A sudden realization that things are different and that life has once again shifted. A new era is beginning, and things will never be the same anymore. Again.

Yeah, I admit I'm a big sucker for nostalgia so things like this carry extra potency. However it makes me think. Maybe I should take marriage more seriously and stop just dating for fun. I mean, I never really dated with the intention of getting married. Sure, I would have loved a relationship, but even in those instances it never played out in my mind of culminating in marriage. In my life where I straddle (ok, sorry, weird word choice there) two worlds there is one aspect where I am still young and there is no pressure.

But like i said, the times, they are a changin. And like before, somehow, Lights' songs have always been the one prompting me to feel a certain way and think certain things. Here we go again. ... This should be fun.

W.M.L.H.B.

It's a sad day for my social life (and in my life in general) when one of the people I talk to the most is a 9th grade LightsArmy girl from Ohio. -___-;;

hope she doesn't see this.

Humility

It's a lesson that I've had to learn over and over and over again. Right when I feel like I have it, it slips out of my reach. Right when I think I'm a pretty humble guy, I'm reminded of ways that i am not.

On my mission, it was my biggest goal. To be humble. And it was where I finally, FINALLY, learned what humility was because it's not until you reach a certain level of self-respect and self-understanding that you realize what it means to be humble. It isn't until you come to know who you are and be OK with it that you can be humble.

i learned this the hard way on my mission as I struggled to learn how to be a good missionary. My trainer would tell me things I could improve on, but I always took it as condescending and someone thinking they're better than me. I knew they didn't mean it directly, but I thought it was just subtle, maybe even subconscious, and I took it that way.

The one day, in one of those moments where you suddenly see your life differently, my trainer took me into a room to talk and then to pray. And then I as I was praying it hit me.

Humility is the ability to take what someone else is saying and honestly say, without any snideness or self-defeating notions, "You know what? Maybe he's right. Maybe I AM that way. Maybe I DO need to change. Maybe what I've been doing has been wrong all this time. Maybe.... I'm wrong". You see how you need to understand yourself for this to work? There can't be a feeling of "well, let me try it your way and I'll prove you wrong!" or "I hate myself and I suck, everything i do is not right". That's not humility, it's pride in the former, and ...surprisingly, pride in the latter (because you can't have it your way so you hate everything and give up).

It's always a hard thing to do. Whenever someone says something, even as a suggestion, the FIRST thought that enters our minds is retaliation or retreat. Often times it doesn't even occur to us what was said, but rather how it made us feel. It takes practice to find yourself saying "No. Maybe I got to look at this differently and change my ways" and to do it truthfully to yourself.

favorites

from daphna

cuz i'm bored

Favorite cookie: anything chocolate chip cookie or a variation/combination of it
Favorite flower: um.... i haven't really thought of this...
Favorite pizza: alfredo pizza! yum. or one of those dessert pizzas. :D
Favorite class of all time: high school: English? College: Chinese 101
Favorite book: Book of Mormon :P Next would probably be Bible. :P :P

Favorite color: red
Favorite magazine: Sports Illustrated/Nintendo Power
Favorite day of the week: Friday/Saturday
Favorite cuisine: Mexican
Favorite dish: satay chicken (cuz it's the only real dish i know how to cook haha)
Favorite holiday: Christmas and the season and Valentine's day (jay kay about v-day :P)
Favorite season: Spring
Favorite scent: whatever the girl next to me is wearing. hahahaha.
Favorite movie: 12 Angry Men
Favorite Disney character: blondie/Rapunzel/Flynn/Pascal
Favorite board game: no favorites
Favorite music genre: Electro-Pop/Hip-Hop
Favorite drink: Powerade
Favorite scripture: no favorites. Though John 14:27 is good.
Favorite apostle: President Eyring/Elder Holland

tumblr

since most of my lightsArmy friends are on tumblr, I've created tumblrs. Yes, plural. Two of them. As in it takes "two" to tango. One is ruenarke.tumblr.com which is more like a dream journal. The other is byugle.tumblr.com which is where i will rant about anything BYU and my experience there. The thing is, I'm trying to decide if there is enough stuff to combine the two.

I wanted Ruenarke to be mostly tailored to my secular, LightsArmy, and casual friends, while having Byugle open to anyone and to anyone who wants to say anything as well as a place where I may approach a spiritual topic if I wanted to. Thing is, there are also deep reflections that I want on BOTH tumblrs that I want both my lightsArmy/non-LDS friends and all my other friends to see. Since Ruenarke is supposed to be just a dream journal I also don't want it to be flooded with too many posts outside of just dreams. I also want the Byugle to be more of a formal/semi-objective blog while keeping Ruenarke casual. two separate tumblrs for two separate purposes.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I would love it if all my friends followed both and contributed to both, but I just don't think that's reasonable or very convenient. So until I figure something out or until someone has a better idea i'm going to keep up both of them (in addition to this blog :D).

I don't know if I've written this before....but...

1 Corinthians 10:13 - There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

I reread that verse this past Monday as I was thinking "Why do I have my particular weaknesses?" I know everyone is unique in their circumstances and if we were to throw all our trials into a pile and pick which ones we want we'd probably pick our own. But the first part of this verse says that everyone goes through similar things and the temptations we have are common to everyone. Summed up perfectly by Lights "the way you feel is something everybody goes through", but though we feel similar feelings the thing that makes us feel that way is different for everybody.

i think the verse after is essential. As is with everything in the Gospel ACTION must follow FAITH, and so Paul write in verse 14 "Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry" (italics added). Some people wonder "Well, how come I keep falling yielding to temptation and feeling so weak when God won't let us be tempted more than we can resist?"

One reason is that we constantly walk at the edge of the cliff. Sooner or later you will fall. And even then God probably can't catch you. We need to do our part and stay away as much as we can because "I, the Lord am bound when ye do what i say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise" (D&C 82:10).

Influential People Part 2

continuing from the last post...

And then of course, every date I've ever been on I've learned something from that person. i don't know if I've ever had a bad date. Hopefully I didn't jinx it.

And finally, of course, we have LIGHTS. She surprises me every now and then in the wisdom she displays proving that she is not just another carbon-copy musician. There are times when I even find her inspirational. Her message seems to be a constant one of "find who you are and be happy with yourself", and her life is a constant example of that. There are times in an interview where she starts talking about WoW or really (like really) nerdy stuff (for example, one time she said "RL" instead of "real life" during an interview XD) that makes me kinda cringe thinking, "oh Lights, you just revealed how much of a geek and weirdo you really are". But she doesn't seem to care and you would think she's either too airheaded or innocently oblivious to all this until you come to hear her talk about her past or when she gives advice to people. Things like "it's not cool to be popular" or "honestly, if you don't fit in, you're doing something right". And when you really get to know her you realize that all this was born out of a somewhat tragic high school experience.

So yeah, she smiles way too much, she laughs way too much, her inner kid reveals itself a little way too much, but maybe that's why we love her, because she reminds us that it IS possible to be yourself with a sincere unconcern in feeling you need to be what the world wants you to be.

Influential People part 1

I was thinking the other day how much other people have changed my life, or changed how I viewed myself or life. For example, of course my parents figure prominently into this. My dad has always taught me to not do things half-heartedly. If I was going to do something I should complete it. As crazy as it sounds, it is now only beginning to dawn on me what this means. But I've also learned from him in other indirect ways. He always seems so confident of himself and assertive. When he wants to know something he doesn't hesitate to ask even, at times, to my own embarrassment. He will not stop pursuing something until he knows what he wants to do know and, if he's making a decision, until he exhausts all his options.

Just this past break we went to Wal-Mart to check out my tires. He didn't think anything of it to just stroll into the garage and start asking everyone about things as if he was king of the place. Some guys were on their lunch breaks, and this one older gentleman was working on another car and my dad went in and started asking him questions. I was like "um...they're on their lunch breaks..." but I should have known my dad doesn't really listen to what I have to say if he has something he wants to do in mind. Thankfully, the older guys were more than courteous enough to answer his questions.

I'm not sure if it's because my dad is a little clueless to what's going on or if he thinks everyone is created to serve him, but I do wonder sometimes what he thinks others think of him. He doesn't seem to care at all (sometimes to a negative effect such as when he started cussing out this store owner in Florida, LOL). He's not afraid to go after what he wants.

Feminism

My thoughts and opinions of a certain kind of feminism:

I've had a thought forming since last spring and feel now that it is developed enough to write. I'm a bit appalled at the feminist movement whose mission seems to be the degradation of household chores and traditionally feminine roles in the home. Why not, dare I suggest, flip it around and contend that instead of females needing to be more like males that males need to be more like females? Or, more specifically, why not insist that males do more household chores and assume more tasks traditionally assigned to women? Why am I so appalled?

"It is well established among us that you may hold up your head in polite society with a public lie in your mouth or other people's money in your pocket or innocent blood on your hands, but not with dishwater on your hands or mud on your shoes" (The Hidden Wound, Wendell Berry, 13).

You see, the basic root of the problem, viewed in this particular way, is not sexism at all. It is the basic assumption that somehow, traditionally feminist roles are inferior, and when attached to a woman, somehow then makes that woman inferior. It is the role when attached to the woman through generations of tradition that has made the woman inferior. It's not even the actual task that is considered inferior, but the social stigma and meaning attached to it that makes it inferior in people's minds. Those tasks are NOT inherently inferior, but they have come to have that connotation because of society. The danger then becomes:

"When a nation determines that the work of providing and caretaking is 'nigger work' or work for 'hillbillies' or 'rednecks' - that is, fundamental, necessary, inescapable, and inferior - then it has implanted in its own soul the infection of ruin" (113).

It is not a problem of sex, gender, or race. At this point it becomes the thought implanted in some people that certain kinds of people are exempt from certain kinds of work, and because of this thought that somehow those who are exempt from lower status work are superior. It is why racism did not bring about slavery of the blacks, but rather slavery birthed racism towards the blacks. Unable to bring their Christian consciousness and words in line with their deeds, these slaver owners used racism as a justification for enslaving humans who were, by faith, their equals and their brothers and sisters (this may be why verses in the scripture talking about following their faith with actions rings hollow and are explained away in some Christian churches). Whites felt exempt from work performed by the blacks, and feeling superior, naturally came to see the blacks as inferior. What started out as a form of cheap labor evolved into a school of thought that justified slavery.

Back in the beginnings of humanity, males traditionally hunted for food, while females gathered. It was the maximization of the strengths of the two genders. Somewhere in our history, female roles became delegated as secondary, less important, but necessary work and became looked down upon. This elevated the status of the male.

And this line of thought in comparison with that of the line of thought to feminism is absolutely ridiculous especially in a time and age where there is a sense of entitlement and growing rifts in class and growing feelings of superiority. Ironically, the aim and any subsequent success of the above brand of feminism is not solving the problem of sexism (or racism, or classism), but is succession into converting the movement into the ideals of traditional white male ruled, classic capitalistic society.

200th post

So it's my 200th post. YAy.

This Timed Semester

Oh man, this semester is gonna kill. All 5 classes are complete heavyweights, plus 18 hours of work (including two very early morning shifts), and I still want to exercise as much as I can. Kill me slowly...btw, how come I always make friends in the classes I intend to drop? haha.

Student: Are the exams timed?

Teacher: Yes. You have 2-3 days. Does that sound reasonable?

Student: Yes.

Teacher: Of course, the semester is timed too. You got about 4 months to complete it.

Dang... did anyone else realize that? It's a 4 month timed exam....

Things I've learned over the break:

- how to insert a graphics and some more basic stuff about computers

- tires, snow chains

- how furnaces work

Yeah. Random stuff. Speaking of furnaces. Ours isn't working too great, so this guy named Ted came over to look at it. And while he was here we started talking about the Gospel and it was great to hear his optimism despite his children's unfortunate circumstances. It was good to hear his testimony and to share that even though he was just a guy that came over to look at our furnace.

Awkward moment #1506, first of the semester:

I was walking and saw this girl who I thought looked like Cheryl. And since cheryl never comes onto campus I was so excited that I turned around and waved. Unfortunately, it wasn't Cheryl. Just a girl who looks incredibly like her. So she stood there confused. I just put down by arm, turned back around, and continued walking like nothing happened.

hahaha. yeah.

2011

LISTENING TO: Club Can't Handle Me by Flor Rida

winter's left a cover....

Haven't made my new years' resolutions yet. still having them form in my mind, and church today especially helped. I think my emphasis this year will be enhancing and improving everything from last year. For example, I want to fast every fast Sunday (something I've started not doing as much), and I want to start memorizing scriptures again. I also want to write in my journal at least once a week (on top of this blog and a tumblr which I'm probably gonna create soon). Things like that, where they were implied or possible last year, but never mentioned.

The New Year so far as been awesome. Went to a wedding reception turned dance on New Year's Eve. It was fun because it felt like a private event and we were all wearing formal clothing, but at the same time, dancing very actively. haha. I didn't know anyone there except my friend who invited me. Towards the end, when there weren't that many people there we ended up dancing all over the place instead of just the space cleared as a dance floor. It was cool to just be able to let go with a bunch of strangers. Though I did meet this one girl from Luthebridge. She was pretty cool, and at the end of it all she wanted some of the flowers from the tables. I ended up asking the groom's father if I could have some of the roses and gave them to her. One of the least expected, yet satisfying things I've done in awhile. I'll never see this girl again, and I don't even know if she'd want flowers without a vase, but hey, it's the thought that counts right?

Today was a good sunday. Went up and bore my testimony. I think it's been months since I've done that. Kinda sad really. Then home taught my awesome home teachee. Then I went to the airport to pick up Miranda and hung out with her at her place until about 10:30. Her and her roommate are some of the coolest girls I know. haha. Miranda has the funniest comments at the most interesting times. I'll have to remember them sometime and quote them.

So so far, 2011 has been bomb.